wow....well, it's been a while, hasn't it? so much crazy stuff happeining, so little energy to write about it all. ok...hmmmm....i did my monologue last week for my acting class. i guess it went pretty well, but i could have done a lot better. what i could have done, i don't really know, but i know it could be better. i wasn't nervous or anything. i just know that as soon as i was walking back to my seat, i was saying "well, that sucked." i've been having trouble really feeling the character and the monologue....my character is a widowed 50 year old with 2 children. i, obviously, am not. but when i thought more about it, i realized that i didn't really have to think about acting 50 years old. i just had to get the essence of the monologue across to the audience. but i didn't even do that very well. christian said that i needed to be louder, and that i was holding stuff back. i guess she's right. when i was making a collage about the monologue as part of my homework, i was definetly felling some stuff, but i held it back. i guess it felt silly to freak out about it. but you know what's really weird? ever since i started working on the monologue, i've been acting like a mother to people. i mean nagging and lecturing them, ironing andre's pants, voluntarily washing dishes without making any complaints (a true rarity).....it's been bizarre. i'm guessing that it might be part of my character that's been affecting me. maybe it is, maybe it isn't. it was just something that i noticed. as far as the monologue goes, i have a chance to do it again tomorrow (today, whatever). i haven't had much of a chance to do more work on it, but i guess i'll go ahed and try it again anyway. who knows, maybe i'll be able to move some "blocks." ok kiddies, i'm gonna go now. sorry it's been forever since my last entry, and sorry that i had to bore you with my boring acting class stuff. i'm using this thing as my journal for that class, and i have to write more about the class every now and then. g'nite dearies, catch ya on the flip side.
Dear Dad, Who knows why I'm putting this in my ancient blog? Why I'm posting it to the internet. Shouting into the void and simultaneously preserving this forever. I guess it's the easiest way to get my thoughts down. Typing can be easier than writing, and it helps me get the words out faster without editing myself. I think about you every day, and I feel like I have more questions than answers, Something moved me to fire up the blog and write, so here I am. It's been a little over seven months since you've been gone. Thinking about the days and months and years leading up to that point feel like a temporal version of the Stations of the Cross. I don't know where the Beginning of the End actually sits in that timeline, but Christmas feels like a good starting point. The last Christmas that we all spent together. Did the tree fall down at all that year? If it didn't, was it a sign that we missed? My birthday dinner in Newark: Mom usually covers the check,...
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