facing my demons and losing
Life at my new job isn't so bad. The commute has taken some getting used to, and I'm learning how to be a somewhat competent secretary if nothing else about the theater business. The nice thing about my job is that it's given me some reason to go shopping.
Last weekend, I went shopping by myself and bought one thing that I ended up returning today. I was going to go to both of the malls in the area (they're about a mile away from each other), but I didn't go to my second mall because that's where the cheesecake factory is. I wasn't afraid of being near there, I'm not that damaged. But I was seriously craving a piece of cheesecake, and I wasn't ready to deal with setting foot in that place yet, so I avoided going to the mall altogether. Rather sad.
Today (Saturday) I went shopping with my mom and I actualy succeeded in buying some decent clothes for work. Now I just have to wait for the weather to cool off so I can actually wear them. And I need another pair of shoes. But I digress. I mentioned to my mom about how I avoided the cheesecake factory last week and she told me that she'd go with me to get some cheesecake. Cool.
We walked into the restaurant, and I was fine. At least, I thought I was fine. My mom could tell that I was not fine, because she offered to order for us, and I was cool with that. I couldn't look at the bakery. I was afraid of making eye contact with anyone in there, which is weird because I actually liked my fellow bakery workers. The cashier, however, I hated. While we were waiting for the cheesecake, I just felt more and more anxious, and I was so happy to bolt out of there when we were done. It took me a few minutes to realize that my stomach was churning again, the same way it was for the entire week before I quit. It's still feeling a bit messed up now. Probably because I'm blogging, but I need to get this all out somehow.
If I couldn't handle being in there when it was busy, how am I going to handle turning in my uniform. I still haven't done it. I think it's because I've been sub-conciously avoiding it. I don't want to be in that place.
I think what upsets me more than anything else is that a stupid little restaurant has affected me like this. I'm in the middle of suffering a post-traumatic episode over a shitty summer job. But this place was worse. It was an abusive job. It had to be if I'm still messed up over it. Now if I want a piece of cheesecake factory cheesecake I'm either going to have to drive 45 miles for it or have someone get it for me.
Is there a support group for this kind of thing? Maybe there should be, if one doesn't exist. Some type of way of dealing with this without having to shell out money for a shrink. I don't feel like suing the cheesecake factory for emotional damages (although it has crossed my mind).
Dammit, I left that place almost a month ago and I still can't stop talking about it. I should be talking about commuting and being in Midtown and working for a possible agent of satan, but I'm still talking about the stupid job that I finally managed to leave.
I need help.
Last weekend, I went shopping by myself and bought one thing that I ended up returning today. I was going to go to both of the malls in the area (they're about a mile away from each other), but I didn't go to my second mall because that's where the cheesecake factory is. I wasn't afraid of being near there, I'm not that damaged. But I was seriously craving a piece of cheesecake, and I wasn't ready to deal with setting foot in that place yet, so I avoided going to the mall altogether. Rather sad.
Today (Saturday) I went shopping with my mom and I actualy succeeded in buying some decent clothes for work. Now I just have to wait for the weather to cool off so I can actually wear them. And I need another pair of shoes. But I digress. I mentioned to my mom about how I avoided the cheesecake factory last week and she told me that she'd go with me to get some cheesecake. Cool.
We walked into the restaurant, and I was fine. At least, I thought I was fine. My mom could tell that I was not fine, because she offered to order for us, and I was cool with that. I couldn't look at the bakery. I was afraid of making eye contact with anyone in there, which is weird because I actually liked my fellow bakery workers. The cashier, however, I hated. While we were waiting for the cheesecake, I just felt more and more anxious, and I was so happy to bolt out of there when we were done. It took me a few minutes to realize that my stomach was churning again, the same way it was for the entire week before I quit. It's still feeling a bit messed up now. Probably because I'm blogging, but I need to get this all out somehow.
If I couldn't handle being in there when it was busy, how am I going to handle turning in my uniform. I still haven't done it. I think it's because I've been sub-conciously avoiding it. I don't want to be in that place.
I think what upsets me more than anything else is that a stupid little restaurant has affected me like this. I'm in the middle of suffering a post-traumatic episode over a shitty summer job. But this place was worse. It was an abusive job. It had to be if I'm still messed up over it. Now if I want a piece of cheesecake factory cheesecake I'm either going to have to drive 45 miles for it or have someone get it for me.
Is there a support group for this kind of thing? Maybe there should be, if one doesn't exist. Some type of way of dealing with this without having to shell out money for a shrink. I don't feel like suing the cheesecake factory for emotional damages (although it has crossed my mind).
Dammit, I left that place almost a month ago and I still can't stop talking about it. I should be talking about commuting and being in Midtown and working for a possible agent of satan, but I'm still talking about the stupid job that I finally managed to leave.
I need help.
Comments
Plumeria211@yahoo.com
How are you? hope your new job is going well. I recieved you E-mail. Thanks for getting back to me. It was very hard to work there and go to school. I live on my own which unfortunately made my job there a priority. I've actually had trouble replying to your E-mail address. I do agree with your logic about goung public with how they exploit and abuse they're employees. One idea I had was to build a website that would blast them as a and tell how corrupt they are. That might get us help in getting more people to. We would have to make the website popular by publicizing it somehow. Let me know if you have any ideas.
-Liz