My Twenty-Something Quasi-Soap

*sigh* welcome to summer...i guess... this past week or so has been, well, interesting and dreadfully boring all at the same time. last weekend i went to austin, texas with my mom and my sister for a family reunion. ahhh...that lovely summer event...the family reunion. now, everyone had been looking forward to this for a long time now. i mean, like since october. i was all excited about meeting all of these family members that i hadn't met before and seeing the ones i see all the time and going to texas because i was only there once as a baby...it was gonna be great! i should have known we were in for trouble when our plane headed out was delayed for 2 1/2 hours. spending hours of the morning that i rarely see in Newark Airport (screw the Liberty part...no one around here says that) is not my ideal beginning to a weekend. i have also decided to never name any of my children Carter or Natalie. i have two toddlers by the same names to thank for that, as i had to hear their...

new feature added! i finally figured out how to add comments to my blog....this means that you can respond to any or all of my pointless ramblings... comment away....

now back to our regularly scheduled programming.... so i've been out of college for almost a month now and it still isn't really hitting me yet. well, it's starting to kick in a bit, i guess. my two best friends from Illinois are engaged (to different people), and it's weird. i mean, i guess it makes sense. the general american way of life progresses in such a way that it's perfectly acceptable to get engaged and married right after college. but still.... granted, rachel and jeff are two of my dearest friends...we were real tight when i lived out there. you know how you you don't see people for a long time and then you see them again and realized how much they've grown? although i keep in touch with them (well, mostly rachel put she's kept me posted on jeff), most of my tangible memories of them are of when we were still in high school. and early in high school, at that. it's just weird to see people my age settling down and getting married.....

i hate growing up. when you get older, you see things in people that you never had the ability to see when you were a kid. you understand the world in different ways. you realize how big and bad this world can really be, and you learn about just how unfair it really is. normally i would be sitting here complaining about my job and how much i need to get my resume done and other mundane crap like that, but i'm going through a temporary change in perspective. a few minutes ago, i learned that a person that i knew was murdered sometime within the past week. well, i can't really say that i knew sarah. i only saw her two times...she was the best friend of one of my shoestring kids. but from the short amount of time that i did spend with her, i was able to see what an amazing person she was. the one word that keeps coming to my head about sarah is warmth. there was just something about her that was instantly likeable. she saw "fiddler on the roof" with a bunch of...

so it's official and crap...around 4 o'clock this afternoon i finally recieved my college degree in theatre arts. i did it I did it. I DID IT!!!!!!!!! i graduated college!!!!! i still can't believe it. it doesn't feel real yet. right after i got my diploma i kept giggling...i actually did it! well, even though it's almost midnight, i'm headed back to the New B for some post-graduation partying. tee hee.....i'm an alum! i should feel grown up, but i don't yet. then again, i did finally get up the courage to order an alcoholic beverage in front of my parents. and i didn't even get carded! life is good right now, so i'm off to go party. toodles! oh! and happy birthday to ratticus finch if you actually read this thing!!! luv ya!

so this is probably the last dorm blog that i'll be doing, unless i am struck by some prolific urge and must write more about leaving Quad 3 and Livingston forever. yesterday i helped andre move out of his apartment, and we were able to do it without any tears. there was one point when it was pretty close...it kinda seemed like there was nothing else i could help out with, and i asked him if there was anything else that he needed me to do, and we just kinda looked at each other for a second or two, knowing that it was the end of an era. before things totally broke down, he said, "yeah, let's find something else for you to do." and we went on like nothing was wrong. i think this whole thing has been so easy because i know i'm going to see andre all throughout the summer and stuff. the end of college isn't goodbye, it's just the end of college. we managed to survive this place and get out of here in four years (just barely!), which is apparently an amazing...

I'M GRADUATING!!!!!!!! I DID IT!!!!! I'M WALKING ON THURSDAY!!!!!! YAY!!!!!!!! so i've bought my cap and gown. i guess i should start moving stuff home now....after i take a shower and jump around my room like an idiot a little more. :0)

12 1/2 hours. i don't even know why i'm still awake...i had such a crazy night last night and then i had to work today. i've been fighting to stay awake, but i mostly dozed between random phone calls. for some reason i don't want to let myself go to bed, but that's exactly what i need to do. i guess that means i should stop drinking this bottle of coke. whatever. time for family guy and some pajamas and maybe i'll finally go to sleep.

19 hours until the list is posted. not just the list. THE list. the one that's going to tell me whether I'm going to walk on thursday or that i should just get in my car and drive as far away from my parents as possible before telling them that i'm not walking. i guess i'm just getting more worked up than i should be. i've heard of lots of seniors who are missing a grade as of friday, and they're people who have their stuff together. all i need is that damn theater history grade, and I KNOW i passed that class. but this is rutgers, and i don't have my degree in my hand yet. alas, i must wait another 19 hours before i know what will happen next. so when i'm not thinking about my immediate future, i'm thinking about the past 4 years that i've spent here on the Banks. i wish i had started blogging sooner...it would have been nice to have some pre-9/11 stuff here. but besides that, i just keep thinking about all the stuff that i've been thr...

so Shoestring is officially over. we had the last 2 shows today, and i only almost cried once. now i'm sitting here and thinking...what am i going to worry about now? i realized that the reason that i got so worked up about shoestring all the time this semester was that it kept me from worrying about other stuff, like what i'm going to do now that i'm not in school anymore. but now that i don't have to worry about rehearsals and shows and being in charge of stuff... i think i'll just sit here in my pajamas and eat more junk food and play some playstation and possibly get rid of some of the alcohol i've got here, and not think about mother's day tomorrow...just another day when we'll all play the ivy league child vs. the complete nutcase child game. i hate that game.

so cinco de mayo was yesterday and i did not partake of a single corona with lime. *sigh* so much for celebrating mexican independence day. i say that any holiday that lets you get away with drinking copiously (St. Patrick's, Mardi Gras, Cinco de Mayo, 4th of july, new year's...) is a holiday i wanna celebrate. this year so far i am only 1 for 5. the fact that i had a sober st. patty's day when i am actually of irish descent is a sad sad thing. then again, i drank so much last year that i can prolly get away with rolling over a few of those green Molsons (we were in toronto) and car bombs to this year. anyway, this blog was not intended to be about heavy drinking. i'm like, done with school and crap. there's still little things here and there that i've been taking care of, but i'm like done. that's a scary thing. hence the reason why i think i went to the grocery store and bought a whole bunch of food so that i could just stay in my room and not ha...

and i've changed the look of my blog. i dunno why, just felt like it. whatever.

so i've been blogging more frequently now than i usually do (once every few days as opposed to once a month or so), but i guess my life just keeps changing so quickly that i have to find one way or another to keep track of it all. so the career services appt. was so frustrating that i'm going to another one tomorrow morning. last week's was about as useful as an appointment with my old high school guidance counselor. y'know, they pretend to care and understand whet you're talking about, but they really don't listen. my hs counselor kept telling me to go to Spelman. i think she did that because all that she really knew about me was that i was black. if she really cared and really listened to me, she would have known that Spelman was the absolute *last* place that i should have gone to (the average SAT score there is like 960 for pete's sake! and that's combined, not just a verbal or math score on its own!). the career services meeting was similar. i ex...

it's almost 8am, and i've been wearing the same clothes for nearly 24 hours. yup, i pulled an all nighter...my last major paper of my undergraduate college career. it was pretty funny: i'm putting in my page numbers and coming up with a title. i'm listening to my 60's/70's hippie mix, and Age of Aquarius/Let The Sunshine In comes on. as the "let the sunshine, let the sunshine in..." part comes on, the sun breaks through the clouds and fills up my room. it was one of those quasi-religious sleep-deprived moments that i might never have again. but i did have to marvel in the beauty of it. :0) shoestring opens on saturday. it's almost done. i don't know whether i'll turn backflips or bawl my eyes out. maybe i'll just go to the bar and get totally piss drunk. that's always fun. so i have my typical college kid summer job lined up. i'll be training soon to be a bakery cashier at the cheesecake factory, one of the most hardcore ...

the home stretch...literally. in a week i'll be pretty much done with college for the time being. i don't know whether to frolic in the mind-numbing happiness of it, cry in the mind-numbing scariness of it, or just go on a bender and numb my brain. i'll probably do a mixture of all three. so i'm not going to be an actress anymore. when i grow up (which is rapidly approaching) i want to be a television network executive. i'd explain, but i'm too damn tired. i'm cold, i'm tired, i'm sick of worrying, i'm sick of people being sick, and i want to wake up tomorrow in my million dollar penthouse off Madison Avenue, have my limo pick me up at take me to Rockefeller Plaza where i will continue to improve the face of NBC and network television and television as a whole, in both business and art. *deep breath* so i shall sleep and dream of versace power suits, nielsen ratings, and variety magazine instead of red carpets, valentino gowns and the cover...

Wilt thou be gone? It is not yet near day. It was the nightingale, and not the lark, That pierced the fearful hollow of thine ear. Nightly she sings on yond pomegranate tree. Believe me, love, it was the nightingale. Romeo & Juliet, 3.5.1-5 It's one thing when you can use a Motown song to explain how you feel. But if you wake up in the morning and say goodbye and all you can do is think about a scene from Shakespeare, you're either: a) hopelessly romantic b) hopelessly nerdy or c) a little bit of both *sigh* i need to get some more sleep.

off to go rot in the drafting lab for a few hours on a Sunday, because I was too busy to do Scenic Art homework during the week. by the way: awards banquets suck. i now believe they are designed to make people feel bad about not actually having plans when they graduate college. if someone could tell me when and why this became a cardinal sin, i'd be much appreciative of it. meanwhile, i'm going to go draw a groundplan and rue my existence.

Spring Break is over. 1 month till the Shoestring show opens. 2 months till G-Day. Is it a bad thing that I'm looking forward to the release of Kill Bill Vol. 2 and Shrek 2 with more enthusiasm than graduation? Yeah, I thought so too.

So it's about 20 minutes to 4pm...a little less than an hour before the class that I absolutely *despise* this semester: Theater History. (cue shower scene music from "Psycho") Just like other classes that I have hated in the past, I've tried do find out just what my issue with this class is. Is it the professor? The room? The subject matter? The time of day? What logical reason do I have for hating this class with every fiber of my being? The scary thing is that I have way too many reasons to hate the class. First off, the professor. I do not disagree that she is most likely a brilliant person who is higly knowledeable in some area of theater. However, she's horrible at lecturing and she really doesn't know what she's talking about. She just lectures off of her notes at about 500 miles per hour, expects us to absorb everything she's saying, and then remember every single detail of it for an exam on which she will only ask us about a fraction of...

Wow. You know what upsets me more than bad television? Bad television on BET. (MTV and VH1 are equally guilty, mind you, every minute you watch kills brain cells) But I digress. Background info before I begin this evening's rant: I did a term paper sophomore year about the evolution of the Black image on television. People who really know me know that this is something I have every right to be interested in and passionate about. And it's a subject that I could devote a semester's worth of research to without going insane. That being said, onward we go. OK. So there's this tv show on BET called "College Hill," which the network is proudly heralding as the "first black reality series." Well, thanks to the craptacular-ness of the show, it might be the last. From what I've gathered from the website and seeing 3 episodes of the show, this is what I think the show is supposed to be about. It's apparently supposed to follow 8 dramatically diff...