My Twenty-Something Quasi-Soap

Life at my new job isn't so bad. The commute has taken some getting used to, and I'm learning how to be a somewhat competent secretary if nothing else about the theater business. The nice thing about my job is that it's given me some reason to go shopping. Last weekend, I went shopping by myself and bought one thing that I ended up returning today. I was going to go to both of the malls in the area (they're about a mile away from each other), but I didn't go to my second mall because that's where the cheesecake factory is. I wasn't afraid of being near there, I'm not that damaged. But I was seriously craving a piece of cheesecake, and I wasn't ready to deal with setting foot in that place yet, so I avoided going to the mall altogether. Rather sad. Today (Saturday) I went shopping with my mom and I actualy succeeded in buying some decent clothes for work. Now I just have to wait for the weather to cool off so I can actually wear them. And I need a...

So I'm truly feeling the effects of being de-institutionalized. Or I'm feeling what it must be like to finally leave an abusive relationship. My mom even said that I needed "closure" with this whole Cheesecake thing and I guess she's kinda right. But on the whole I just feel better. I can't describe it more specifically than that. I'm smiling more and laughing more (and too hard at the summer commercial remnants that I missed all season long). I'm eating more and I haven't touched a Red Bull in a week. Even though I'm getting sleep again and all that I still feel tired. Just kinda battle weary, you know? Like I'm still recovering in a way, which I guess I am. But enough with the post-traumatic stress nonsense. Right now I'm stalling because I know I need to stand in front of my closet and decide what I'm going to wear tomorrow. I need to do it now because my brain can't function very well at 6:30 in the morning and I waste to...

So I finally quit my god-awful horrible job at the Cheesecake Factory. YESSSSSSSS!!!!!!!! Today I went in for my shift as usual, and things were horrible as usual, and somewhere between trying to add a side of mushroom gravy to a to-go order and some lady screaming at me about her buffalo chicken strips, I decided that I had had enough. I was sick, and I was tired, and I wasn't taking it anymore. I was tired of being patronized by my managers. I was tired of being treated as sub-human by the customers. I was tired of the front-desk bitches acting like they were better than I was. I was tired of a co-worker mumbling behind my back about the way I did my job. I was tired of the hours. I was tired of never getting breaks. I was tired of relying on Red Bull to survive. I was tired of thinking I was going insane. Correction: I had already gone insane. I was tired of being physically sickened by the very idea of having to go to that god-forsaken place and get treated like shit. ...

yep, i seriously think i'm losing it. i hate my job, but i'm pretty much stuck there until i can go full time at the toy store. but the cheesecake factory is destroying my soul. i'd be surprised if anyone was still reading at this point...all i've done all summer is complain about how much my life sucks because of one stupid place. there's so many things that i've tried to get done today before work. the only thing i've been successful at is doing some laundry and talking to andre. everything else has been a half assed attempt at organization or non-slackerness before i decided that i was too tired or lazy to bother. i guess i'll just call it energy conservation and mental preparation for my weekend in hell. maybe i should just take a nap. i feel tired, but i think it's just depression setting in. that, and knowing that i have to find someone to cover my shift on wednesday, which is going to be next to impossible because we only have 2 in-house cash...

Did you ever notice how we wish our lives away? Well, at least some of us do. We spend our time wishing that time would spped up a little so we can get to that next big milestone...and once we get there we're only temporarily satisfied. Then we find the next goal and wish every day away until we get there. I spent my years in high school wishing I could be in college already. Then I spent my college years wishing I could just have my degree already. Now i'm sitting here, wishing for my life a year from now. Hopefully, a year from now, I'll have a real job and I won't live in my parents' house. It doesn't seem like it's too much to ask for, but it's so hard to get there. grrr.... Life at the cheesecake factory continues to destroy my mental and physical health. I realized that my sister is going back to Princeton next week, and I've barely seen her all summer. She was at work while I was sleeping my days away, and I was at work while she did her home...

Bust out the confetti and party hats and noisemakers everyone! We have cause for celebration! No, I didn't score a real job in NYC yet. And, no, I'm not so fortunate as to have left the Cheesecake Factory. That party will include hard liquor and the burning of my uniform. Today's a happy day because... (drum roll please) This is my 100th Blog!!! ::roaring crowds as a giant "100" lights up and blinks like some telethon event and confetti flutters through the air:: I figured that 100 would be a good number to take notice of and celebrate. If tv shows get to make a big deal out of their 100th episode (the typical benchmark in order to qualify for syndication), then I'm going to make a big deal out of my blog. I mean, my life is just one pathetic twenty-something quasi-soap destined for one season of fame on the WB before it fades into pop culture trivia, right? So nearly 3 years and 100 blogs ago, I was sitting in front of my computer and typ...

so says the lyrics of one of my favorite songs. but no reason for celebrations yet, i'm still at the fucking cheesecake factory. i've pretty much gathered that i can do anything short of steal money or run butt nekkid through that place and i wouldn't get fired for it. that's how badly they need cashiers, and that's a sad fact. My internship is really awesome! I'm the production assistant for this one man show happening on the Upper West Side. For now it means that I get to manage the box office and the house (kinda), but i'm having so much fun with it and i'm totally in my element. The sucky things about it are the commute and my new wardrobe, both of which are going to cost me a small fortune. The commute into the city for me costs about $30 a week for: -gas to drive the 20 miles and back from the train station -$5 a day to park at the train station -$10.25 round trip train fare -$4 round trip on the subway It blows a lot. but it's cheaper ...

so it's just about 4 in the morning and i've been going non stop this week. between cheesecake, the toy store, and the new internship (yay! more details to follow soon), i've become a red bull addict and a candidate for a mental breakdown. but at least i'm happy with my internship and the light at the end of the cheesecake tunnel of hell is slowly becoming visible. i plan to be out of there by october...but we'll see if that actually happens. well, i still have to wind down from my 2 hour drive and i have lots to do before going into the city tomorrow. just thought i'd blog and let everyone know i haven't collapsed. yet.

the whirlwind of work, that is. it's literally going to be eat, sleep, drive, work for the weekend. like i said, i'm a glutton for punishment and too nice of a person. blarggghhh....just typing to waste time before andre calls, so i'm going to play snood instead. thus ends another pointless blog. ::curtsy:: ::curtain::

rachel's plane will be here in less than 12 hours...i'm so excited about her coming to visit! we haven't physically seen each other since 1999, and a hell of a lot has changed since then. we're gonna have so much fun!!! but before i pick her up from the airport, i have to: -get up, shower, eat breakfast -wash the sheets on my bed since rachel's staying in my room (long story about the f--ing cat that i don't feel like going into) -visit the toy store and get my paperwork into the computer (again) -clean my car, inside and out. then i get to drive to the airport and pick up rachel. oh....i should be sleeping right now. off to scrounge up some grub before finally hitting the hay. and praying that someone will call me this week because they want me to intern for them. i can't stand cheesecake much longer...

so it's been pouring rain for most of the day, and our toilet is still not fixed. those two things are only related by water and water alone. yeah, so the toilet was possesed, i passed up a chance to exorcise the toilet demon, and now it is simply the Thing that my mom can nag at my dad about endlessly until it gets fixed. actually, it's a good thing that rachel's coming to visit on Monday. otherwise, the toilet might never be fixed at all. according to my dad, the toilet was "fixed" last night. then my sister used it, flushed it, and it started to leak. *sigh* my mother is finally starting to speak to me again, but only for strictly functional things, like what the visit itinerary is, whether or not my clothes are in the washing machine, please don't bring my work shoes into the house anymore...things like that. however, if she ever gets around to asking, i'l be more than happy to let her know that i faxed about 4 resumes out for jobs today. now...

the toilet in my bathroom is possessed. well, i like to keep saying that it's possessed because that sounds so much cooler than launching into another tirade about the retards who built our house. they cut corners every way you could possibly think of, including substituting a part in the toilet in my bathroom. the substitution of this part has essentially forced my parents to take apart the toilet and replace everything. and now i have to go all the way downstairs if i want to pee. but it really is a lot more fun to think that the toilet's just possessed. up until yesterday, the toilet kept making this bubbling noise every 5 to 15 minutes. and then today, it started groaning after i flushed it. it was pretty scary. i could have made light of the situation by grabbing the toilet brush and attempting an exorcism (fling Clorox bleach cleanser on it and scream "the power of christ compels thee! evil spirit, remove thine self from your porcelain lair and begone!")... to...

in the doghouse again.... god, i need to find a job so i can get the hell out of my house and away from my mother, who is increasingly making it clear that i have worn out my welcome. there are so many things that i need to do right now, and i'm in that state of paralysis which occurs when you have so menay things that should be done right away, and you're trying to figure out which way is the best way to multitask it all. meanwhile, my sister's downstairs in the kitchen chatting with my parents about class credits and all of that "oh woe is me, it's so hard to go to an ivy league school" when really she's moving in for the kill because she knows that my parents are pissed at me. she's been doing it all summer. it's getting old. big fucking deal, you go to princeton. that does not make you better than anyone else, despite all of the pampering and what not that you get when you're there. she had just better hope that she gets all that financ...

I promised that I'd tell the story of my adventures at six flags with Andre last week, so here goes... Once upon a time, not so long ago, Amber and Andre decided to get out in the sunshine and have some fun. What better place to do that than at Six Flags? (ok, the storybook format isn't really going to work) We went out to lunch at some seafood place in LB (which i would later regret, but that comes later) and then hit the road to get into the park after 4. Ok, so we had 2 main reasons for going to the park later in the afternoon. 1. the day camp crowd would be on their way out 2. back in the day, they used to have reduced admission after 4pm. which is nice, considering regular admission is practically 50 bucks (i'm not lying) So we get to the park, pay the full 10 bucks to park (another ripoff, but then again, sometimes Six Flags should be called Drop Your Wallet and Bend Over Land), and go to the gate. There is nothing to indicate reduced admission after 4. We ask ...

so i was reading this cool article in the New York Times Magazine about graphic novels, and i realized that if i were to ever commission a graphic novel about my life, i would draw it myself and the medium would be Crayola crayons and construction paper. i'm serious (or seriously messed up, you decide) considering that the craziest and most bizarre things happen to me, as well as the fact that i can be a total blonde at least once a day (i do have blonde roots, y'know...), Crayolas would be a perfect medium. yes....crayolas and construction paper. and i'd use stick figures and lots of action words. the chapters would be numerous and interesting. i could write about all my adventure in college. wouldn't it be great to tell drinking stories with crayons? yeah, so that's just a random thought i was having and i'm killing time before going to work. actually, i'm stalling. but the sooner i go, the sooner i'll get it over with. but not really. i'll ...

so i'm awakened by my cell phone's renditon of "BOB" by Outkast (which is quite hot, might i add...the song i mean) and it's.... the boy!!! who called out of work even though he shouldn't have so we could spend the day together. we got off the phone 20 minutes ago so we could both finish waking up and think about what we're going to do today. now i'm starting to panic. ok, so he wants to come up to my town (he lives an hour away) and pick me up so i can show him around my part of Jersey and all the requisite stuff that comes with it (high school, mall, downtown...and that's about it). but showing him around town isn't going to take very long...there's not much too see. and he's already been to my mall. we could go to the New B, but i'd feel bad about making him drive the hour up to see me only to drive 20 minutes back in the direction of his house so he can drive me 20 back out of the way before making the hour drive hom...

i got the profile thing to work. i'm an idiot. but thanks to anyone who would have been kind enough to help out...i really would have given you extra props and snaps.

talk about putting my foot in my mouth.... the boy called last night. now i feel like a total idiot for saying what i did... i was just really scared and upset and everything, and i shouldn't drink and blog (even if it was only one beer) but we've talked everything out and we're cool and i explained to him how work has turned me into a total nutcase and he's cool. we're going to try and hang out tomorrow, so i'll be keeping my fingers crossed! yay! boys don't suck anymore! to follow at a later date: my adventures at Six Flags with andre and how i was violated by a roller coaster. in addition: i'm going to start transferring my poetry to a new blogger site. my angelfire site's a piece of crap and the HTML is too much work. hence i'll let blogger do all the pretty stuff while i just click and type. the new site is: http://princesspoetry.blogspot.com there's only one poem up, but more will follow, i promise! and one more thing: t...

i just have to keep reminding myself: "It's not a question, but a lesson learned in time." i guess that means that 4 or 5 years from know i'll figure out why i'm having such a shitty summer. well, not super shitty. at least i'm not taking summer classes. but i do work at....(you know what i'm gonna say!) the fucking cheesecake factory! (i'm gonna write a song about that one day, just watch.)

i hate boys. that's all that i feel like saying about that for now. or maybe i'm lying. i can't decide if i'm feeling extra emotional because i've had a Corona (which i shouldn't because it was only one on an empty stomach), or because i saw an episode of Will and Grace that had a sappy romantic ending. either way, i feel really crappy towards men (except for my dad and Andre) and i have my job to thank for it. see, not only has this stupid job ruined my eating patterns (i've lost about 5 pounds since leaving school, and i really shouldn't weigh as little as i do) and my sleeping patterns and forced me to rely on Red Bull in order to act like a civilized human being while on the job, but it ruined... see, this job is making me bitter and evil. it ruined my lovelife. if you could call it that. i mean, i haven't actually seen the guy since a week before graduation, but we kept in touch over the phone and kept promising to see each other...