wow....well, it's been a while, hasn't it? so much crazy stuff happeining, so little energy to write about it all. ok...hmmmm....i did my monologue last week for my acting class. i guess it went pretty well, but i could have done a lot better. what i could have done, i don't really know, but i know it could be better. i wasn't nervous or anything. i just know that as soon as i was walking back to my seat, i was saying "well, that sucked." i've been having trouble really feeling the character and the monologue....my character is a widowed 50 year old with 2 children. i, obviously, am not. but when i thought more about it, i realized that i didn't really have to think about acting 50 years old. i just had to get the essence of the monologue across to the audience. but i didn't even do that very well. christian said that i needed to be louder, and that i was holding stuff back. i guess she's right. when i was making a collage about the monologue as part of my homework, i was definetly felling some stuff, but i held it back. i guess it felt silly to freak out about it. but you know what's really weird? ever since i started working on the monologue, i've been acting like a mother to people. i mean nagging and lecturing them, ironing andre's pants, voluntarily washing dishes without making any complaints (a true rarity).....it's been bizarre. i'm guessing that it might be part of my character that's been affecting me. maybe it is, maybe it isn't. it was just something that i noticed. as far as the monologue goes, i have a chance to do it again tomorrow (today, whatever). i haven't had much of a chance to do more work on it, but i guess i'll go ahed and try it again anyway. who knows, maybe i'll be able to move some "blocks." ok kiddies, i'm gonna go now. sorry it's been forever since my last entry, and sorry that i had to bore you with my boring acting class stuff. i'm using this thing as my journal for that class, and i have to write more about the class every now and then. g'nite dearies, catch ya on the flip side.
Struggling between commerce and the greater good...
...is emotionally draining. My current job allows me to work with schools in such a way that I'm beginning to realize yet again that I should be a teacher. To have the ability to work with kids and inspire them to work hard and get ready for the real world...that's something that's of real merit. That's something to truly be proud of. Even only reaching one kid a year out of the 30 or more you may teach...that's one kid that you've inspired to read more or write more or become a scientist or a teacher or the next President. I don't care if you think this sounds cliched...it's the truth. Anyway, now I'm in a position where the things that I really want to do can't be accomplished with the job that I currently have. Frustrating, yes. Surprising, no. Long time readers really know how not surprising this is. But things are ok for now. I'm thinking about lots of stuff and keeping busy at work and focusing on things that will help me keep my sanity...
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