My Twenty-Something Quasi-Soap

I don't know where my weekend went. Well, I know where it went, but I don't know why it's over so soon. Scheduled my GRE test. It's soon. Very very soon. NYU app is due this Wednesday and my personal statement is currently nothing more than a few paragraphs that have nothing to do with each other. And I forgot that I have to send a check with that...grrr, I hate paying rent. I'm trying to remember if I actually did a blog where I explained what I planned to do with my degree (which looks like less and less of a possibility every day). I don't think I did. I don't write well under pressure...I wish I just had to go in for an interview and let that be it. I'm so much better and verbally explaining what I want to do as opposed to writing it. And I'm not a bad writer. You wouldn't know that from reading this, though. I usually let most rules of grammar and coherent thought fly out the window and I laugh in the face of proofreading and spell check. ...

(sung to the tune of the Mickey Mouse Club Song. Yeah, it's not my idea...I heard it on the radio once. But it's true. Whatever.) "Whatever." I hate that expression now. I mean, I still use it a lot, but I hate it. When used in a certain context, it can be so dismissive, so...whatever. Grrr... I did a lot of growing up last week. Starting a new job, making a big decision about someone's birthday, celebrating my own birthday for about a week, and helping someone not get suckered into buying a vintage BMW. Today I feel 23. Possibly older. Last week I barely even felt 22, and in a week (plus everything else that's happened this month) I aged two years. I made the decision not to take my sister out for her 21st birthday. She's done a lot of stuff lately that really hurt and pissed me off, and I made the decision not to take her out. I don't want to. And I called her and told her all of this and ran down the extensive laundry list of grievances and told her...

Why am I so afraid to try? Why has it been so hard for me to convince myself that I have what it takes to get into grad school? I know once I get there I'll be fine, but I keep feeling like I don't have what they're looking for. Like perfect grades. Or perfect GRE scores. I haven't even taken the damn GRE. I took a look at the math section back in October and I haven't cracked that book open since. Maybe I haven't done enough theater stuff. Or enough teaching stuff. I've just been dragging my feet...not out of laziness, but...fear? Low self esteem? I don't know. NYU's deadline is February 1st, and I realize that I'm screwed. 1) I've only asked one person so far if they'd be willing to write me a recommendation (and they are), so I need at least one more for NYU and two more for Emerson (March 1 deadline). So I am not in posession of a single recommendation. 2) I just requested my official transcripts from school today, which means I'...

A while back I promised y'all I'd post a pic of me and the boys and the Christmas tree. So here it is, us and the tree, at the farm in the cold, minutes before we cut the poor thing down. And it's still in the house, but we finally un-decorated it tonight so we can set it out on Tuesday to be recycled. I digress. Think of this as my first foray into the wonderful world of Fun with Pictures and Computers. Hope you enjoy!

Yup, life has been boring as usual and not much has been going on. Sorry! But I thought I'd just check in so things don't get too dusty around here. Hmm...I wonder where my iPod headphones went. They disappeared a few months ago. I finally made room for my printer on my desk. My dad needs my old iMac for a few days so he can get the information off of his iMac that up and died earlier this week. As soon as I get it back, I'm wiping the hard drive and taking it to the eBay store. If I don't get rid of it soon, I never will. And I don't want to start my own dead technology museum. In other news...copious amounts of drinking will be commencing tomorrow night in early celebration of my birthday. I have to be at work at 10am on Saturday, which sucks, but hey! It's my birthday...almost. Right now there's only 4 days, 13 hours and 56 minutes till I turn 23. That's kinda scary. (BTW, the countdown comes courtesy of one of my many Widgets...something only Mac p...

So today is pretty much a rerun of last Monday. Been in bed all day (thanks to the computer), my room is still a mess, my laundry still hasn't been done. And since my next temp gig (provided that I actually get the job) won't start until the 23rd, I am also now pretty much housebound in an attempt to spend as little money as possible for the next few weeks or so. There goes doing something spectacularly cool for my birthday. Dammit. (It's not like I had any good ideas either, which is pretty sad in itself.) Referring back to today's title, how upset was I that Grey's Anatomy was a clip show last night?!? Grrr.... And that's about it. Nothing really interesting to report, no random poetry. Yup, just a rerun of last Monday. Off to attempt something else productive before actually doing my one Real Thing to Do today.

in those moments between chaos and calamity I stop to wonder where the time has gone. no longer a young innocent gazing at the world with life-stained glasses yet one who has yet to figure out where the journey is taking her. those moments are found ever so rarely... in the silence of the car while the tires hug the pavement thinking about how I can't smell the sea or in the midst of a party in the glow that comes from two glasses of wine and pleasant conversation or in the electric hum of an empty house as the radiator ticks off every reminder of Things To Be Done eventually. The moments are full of second guesses and nagging doubts and clinging hopes but little result. No time for deep cleansing breaths or reality checks. The moment is fleeting but ever important. Self indulgent self reflection takes precious time - of which I have little - in those moments when I try to figure out if I'm doing it right.

So this week has consisted of doing not a lot of stuff at all. (That was a horrible sentence.) My temp gig at the engineering firm ended last Friday, and the agency hasn't found me another job yet. Hence, I have been sitting around the house all week. Part of me is enjoying the break. The other part of me is read to get back to work before I go broke and insane at the same time. I began a half assed attempt to clean my room yesterday. While it's more maneuverable now than it was before, it's still a mess. I also started some laundry...successfully completing one load of underwear and one set of sheets. I also came up with a list of things to do today before work if I can convince myself to take a shower and get dressed. 1) Return jeans to Delia*s. The size 0's looked cute but were too small, so I bought the 1/2's. Logical enough. Imagine my horror when I was getting dressed on New Year's Eve and realized that the correctly fitting jeans also looked absolutely wr...

Ick, icky weather prevented me from doing laundry today. That and the fact that I took a nap earlier and woke up around 2pm. And I wasn't in the mood to do much of anything else. So here we (me and Andre) sit in the living room, tv blaring with some random craptacular movie, typing away at our laptops and being mopey. For our own individual reasons. But not mopey at each other. It's just that kind of day, when the weather is cold and crappy. It just lends itself to mopeyness. I mean, seriously: at one point, we were watching the 1996 National Spelling Bee on ESPN 2 and I was showing off my spelling expertise. Yay! I can outspell 7th graders! Hey, I was know as "The Human Dictionary" throughout a large portion of my childhood. Hmm...can I still pass for 7th grade? Nah. Seriously seriously considering a subscription to Netflix so I'm not Public Enemy No.1 at Blockbuster. I wouldn't be surprised if they have a picture of me up there that says "Do Not Rent To...

Monday morning is here, the sun is shining (mostly), and I am sitting in my room (still in bed!) doing nothing but my usual boring internet stuff. I know I need to be more productive today. Especially when I busted out the lappy so I could do one productive thing, and I was immediately sidetracked by everything else that I usually do. Yay for Internet ADD. *Pausing so I can actually do my one productive bit of business before I forget.* Productive bit of business is over, proving both good and bad things for me. Since I don't have to go to New Brunswick today, I officially have nothing to do. That is bad, since I will now be motivated to do absolutely nothing. The good thing is that I do need a break. Also, since I have nothing on my agenda for the day, I should clean my room and do my laundry. We'll see what actually happens today. New Year's Eve...started off great, ended extremely shitty, and I won't be going back to the frat for a loooong time, if ever. I'll jus...