I don't get it...
Why am I so afraid to try?
Why has it been so hard for me to convince myself that I have what it takes to get into grad school?
I know once I get there I'll be fine, but I keep feeling like I don't have what they're looking for. Like perfect grades. Or perfect GRE scores.
I haven't even taken the damn GRE. I took a look at the math section back in October and I haven't cracked that book open since.
Maybe I haven't done enough theater stuff. Or enough teaching stuff.
I've just been dragging my feet...not out of laziness, but...fear?
Low self esteem?
I don't know. NYU's deadline is February 1st, and I realize that I'm screwed.
1) I've only asked one person so far if they'd be willing to write me a recommendation (and they are), so I need at least one more for NYU and two more for Emerson (March 1 deadline). So I am not in posession of a single recommendation.
2) I just requested my official transcripts from school today, which means I'll have them by the end of the week (if I'm lucky).
3) I have not completed the FAFSA. Or any other financial aid paperwork, for that matter.
4) My resume, which is total crap right now, needs to be retooled and printed on nice paper.
5) I have not written a single word of my Personal Statement, which is ultimately the single thing that will make or break my chances of getting in (aside from the fact that it's gonna take a helluva lot of Hail Mary passes to get this thing in my the 1st), and is somehow supposed to define myself and my goals in 2 to 3 typed, double spaced pages.
The odds are not in my favor. I did this to myself. I originally had a plan to be done with all of this crap by my birthday. I technically should have had a decision from NYU by now, taken my GRE's (which I should have been studying for since October), and just sent in my app to Emerson.
I've been telling everybody that I'm planning to go to grad school in the fall. Now I'm on the brink of looking like the biggest idiot in the world because I didn't get in.
And my mother will kill me because I just got a new laptop for Christmas solely because I'm supposed to be going to school in the fall.
Somehow, this will all come together. Or completely fall apart. I still have to figure out how to take the GRE with out completely bombing it and having my scores in by March 1st. And get at least one other recommendation in my hand so I can get it mailed to NYU in time.
All of a sudden, I regret having so much damn ambition...it's getting me into more trouble than I can handle.
The moral of the story: don't tell the whole world you're planning on going to grad school until you actually get in. Then you don't have to worry about the whole world thinking that you're a loser because you got rejected.
Starting a new job tomorrow...more about it later if I don't suffer from a nervous breakdown. But I should get to bed. Ha. Like I'm really going to be able to sleep...
Why has it been so hard for me to convince myself that I have what it takes to get into grad school?
I know once I get there I'll be fine, but I keep feeling like I don't have what they're looking for. Like perfect grades. Or perfect GRE scores.
I haven't even taken the damn GRE. I took a look at the math section back in October and I haven't cracked that book open since.
Maybe I haven't done enough theater stuff. Or enough teaching stuff.
I've just been dragging my feet...not out of laziness, but...fear?
Low self esteem?
I don't know. NYU's deadline is February 1st, and I realize that I'm screwed.
1) I've only asked one person so far if they'd be willing to write me a recommendation (and they are), so I need at least one more for NYU and two more for Emerson (March 1 deadline). So I am not in posession of a single recommendation.
2) I just requested my official transcripts from school today, which means I'll have them by the end of the week (if I'm lucky).
3) I have not completed the FAFSA. Or any other financial aid paperwork, for that matter.
4) My resume, which is total crap right now, needs to be retooled and printed on nice paper.
5) I have not written a single word of my Personal Statement, which is ultimately the single thing that will make or break my chances of getting in (aside from the fact that it's gonna take a helluva lot of Hail Mary passes to get this thing in my the 1st), and is somehow supposed to define myself and my goals in 2 to 3 typed, double spaced pages.
The odds are not in my favor. I did this to myself. I originally had a plan to be done with all of this crap by my birthday. I technically should have had a decision from NYU by now, taken my GRE's (which I should have been studying for since October), and just sent in my app to Emerson.
I've been telling everybody that I'm planning to go to grad school in the fall. Now I'm on the brink of looking like the biggest idiot in the world because I didn't get in.
And my mother will kill me because I just got a new laptop for Christmas solely because I'm supposed to be going to school in the fall.
Somehow, this will all come together. Or completely fall apart. I still have to figure out how to take the GRE with out completely bombing it and having my scores in by March 1st. And get at least one other recommendation in my hand so I can get it mailed to NYU in time.
All of a sudden, I regret having so much damn ambition...it's getting me into more trouble than I can handle.
The moral of the story: don't tell the whole world you're planning on going to grad school until you actually get in. Then you don't have to worry about the whole world thinking that you're a loser because you got rejected.
Starting a new job tomorrow...more about it later if I don't suffer from a nervous breakdown. But I should get to bed. Ha. Like I'm really going to be able to sleep...
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