My Twenty-Something Quasi-Soap

it's almost 8am, and i've been wearing the same clothes for nearly 24 hours. yup, i pulled an all nighter...my last major paper of my undergraduate college career. it was pretty funny: i'm putting in my page numbers and coming up with a title. i'm listening to my 60's/70's hippie mix, and Age of Aquarius/Let The Sunshine In comes on. as the "let the sunshine, let the sunshine in..." part comes on, the sun breaks through the clouds and fills up my room. it was one of those quasi-religious sleep-deprived moments that i might never have again. but i did have to marvel in the beauty of it. :0) shoestring opens on saturday. it's almost done. i don't know whether i'll turn backflips or bawl my eyes out. maybe i'll just go to the bar and get totally piss drunk. that's always fun. so i have my typical college kid summer job lined up. i'll be training soon to be a bakery cashier at the cheesecake factory, one of the most hardcore ...

the home stretch...literally. in a week i'll be pretty much done with college for the time being. i don't know whether to frolic in the mind-numbing happiness of it, cry in the mind-numbing scariness of it, or just go on a bender and numb my brain. i'll probably do a mixture of all three. so i'm not going to be an actress anymore. when i grow up (which is rapidly approaching) i want to be a television network executive. i'd explain, but i'm too damn tired. i'm cold, i'm tired, i'm sick of worrying, i'm sick of people being sick, and i want to wake up tomorrow in my million dollar penthouse off Madison Avenue, have my limo pick me up at take me to Rockefeller Plaza where i will continue to improve the face of NBC and network television and television as a whole, in both business and art. *deep breath* so i shall sleep and dream of versace power suits, nielsen ratings, and variety magazine instead of red carpets, valentino gowns and the cover...

Wilt thou be gone? It is not yet near day. It was the nightingale, and not the lark, That pierced the fearful hollow of thine ear. Nightly she sings on yond pomegranate tree. Believe me, love, it was the nightingale. Romeo & Juliet, 3.5.1-5 It's one thing when you can use a Motown song to explain how you feel. But if you wake up in the morning and say goodbye and all you can do is think about a scene from Shakespeare, you're either: a) hopelessly romantic b) hopelessly nerdy or c) a little bit of both *sigh* i need to get some more sleep.

off to go rot in the drafting lab for a few hours on a Sunday, because I was too busy to do Scenic Art homework during the week. by the way: awards banquets suck. i now believe they are designed to make people feel bad about not actually having plans when they graduate college. if someone could tell me when and why this became a cardinal sin, i'd be much appreciative of it. meanwhile, i'm going to go draw a groundplan and rue my existence.

Spring Break is over. 1 month till the Shoestring show opens. 2 months till G-Day. Is it a bad thing that I'm looking forward to the release of Kill Bill Vol. 2 and Shrek 2 with more enthusiasm than graduation? Yeah, I thought so too.

So it's about 20 minutes to 4pm...a little less than an hour before the class that I absolutely *despise* this semester: Theater History. (cue shower scene music from "Psycho") Just like other classes that I have hated in the past, I've tried do find out just what my issue with this class is. Is it the professor? The room? The subject matter? The time of day? What logical reason do I have for hating this class with every fiber of my being? The scary thing is that I have way too many reasons to hate the class. First off, the professor. I do not disagree that she is most likely a brilliant person who is higly knowledeable in some area of theater. However, she's horrible at lecturing and she really doesn't know what she's talking about. She just lectures off of her notes at about 500 miles per hour, expects us to absorb everything she's saying, and then remember every single detail of it for an exam on which she will only ask us about a fraction of...

Wow. You know what upsets me more than bad television? Bad television on BET. (MTV and VH1 are equally guilty, mind you, every minute you watch kills brain cells) But I digress. Background info before I begin this evening's rant: I did a term paper sophomore year about the evolution of the Black image on television. People who really know me know that this is something I have every right to be interested in and passionate about. And it's a subject that I could devote a semester's worth of research to without going insane. That being said, onward we go. OK. So there's this tv show on BET called "College Hill," which the network is proudly heralding as the "first black reality series." Well, thanks to the craptacular-ness of the show, it might be the last. From what I've gathered from the website and seeing 3 episodes of the show, this is what I think the show is supposed to be about. It's apparently supposed to follow 8 dramatically diff...

"It's sad to think we're not gonna make it/ and it's gotten to the point where we just can't fake it/ for some ungodly reason we just won't let it die/ I guess neither one of us wants to be the first to say goodbye// Everytime I find the nerve to say I'm leaving/ those old memories get in my way/ lord knows it's only me that I'm deceiving/ when it comes to saying goodbye that's the one thing that I just cannot say// there can be no way this can have a happy ending/ so we just go on hurting and pretending/ and convincing ourselves to give it just one more try/ because neither one of us wants to be the first to say...farewell my love, goodbye." I guess it just shows that I have an old soul when the only way that I can express my feelings is through an old Gladys Knight & The Pips song ("Neither One Of Us"). After exactly 7 months, Phil and I decided to part ways...the love just wasn't there anymore. I still care about...

RU Screw Update: I was able to substitute one of my classes, so all of my requirements will be fulfilled. Hence, I am back on the track to graduating this May! Take that, RU Screw! (at the same time, I'm watchin my back and keeping my nose clean...this all won't be over untill that degree in in my hands) That's all for now...I got homework to do. :0)

Ladies and gentlemen, submitted for your observation is a tale of treachery and disloyalty. A case of what happens when sub-standard funding and big business politics affect the tax and tuition paying people of this world. We shall present to you a current and most heinous example of the RU Screw. (cue ominous music, like O Fortuna from "Carmina Burana") Amber was a typical college student. Like many freshman, she took her time getting accustomed to college life, and her grades suffered in the process. But she worked hard after that, and had lined herself up to graduate on time. Along the way, she had experienced screws, but she perservered. They were tiny screws...a class or two canceled, waiting till senior year to take Modern Dance, an evil fish killing roomate, a super-Asian roomate who made Amber feel like an exchange student in her own room, steadily increasing tuition, sharply increasing parking fees, and so on. They were uncomfortable screws, but they were hand...

Sigh. Where has time gone? It's already mid-November, and my fall semester is quickly approaching its twilight, along with my 4 year sentence here at Rutgers State Prison. Naw, I'm just playing. This place isn't really a prison. Or is it? We pay thousands of dollars to be treated like tiny little gears in a giant machine that abuses people for 4 (or 5 or 7) years, and hands them a little piece of paper on their way out that says, "Thanks for playing! Your parting gift is a journey to the unknown. The world of uncertanties and hypocrisies awaits you. By the way, would you mind giving more money to the place that has warped you irrepairably?" But I'm not bitter. I watched "The Shawshank Redemption" on tv last night. I've seen it before, so I didn't really mind the fact that I fell asleep and missed the last 1/3rd of it. But I got to thinking today about the part where Brooks committed suicide because he couldn't deal with life on ...

Well, well, well! Happy September, everyone! I hope you all are enjoying your semesters that are either well underway or just beginning or haven't begun yet. Either way, I hope you are all well (all 5 or so of you that actually read this thing). The Fringe festival in Edinburgh was singlehandedly one of the best experiences of my life! For 3 crazy weeks I got to be a real working actress (even if I paid to be there instead of getting paid for it) and do most of the things that working actresses do. There was the daily call at the theater, doing the same show every day, finding cheap places to eat, navigating my way around a new town, seeing other shows, hanging out with other actors, nervously anticipating reviews...it was amazing. We dealt with egos, idiosyncrasies, and flat out *drama*. We had cast vs. crew issues. We had cast vs. producer issues. We had actor vs. actor issues. And then there was the cold that we spread amongst ourselves and various other people in our hostel...

the day is finally here! Tonight I'll be getting on a plane headed for Scotland and the largest theater festival in the world. That's right, the whole freaking world! It's 9:15 in the morning...the only reason I'm up this early is because I can't sleep anymore. And I've only gotten about 6 hours of sleep. This is crazy stuff. I'll eventually get showered and go pick up a few last minute things...then sit impatiently around the house till 3pm (another 6 hours from now)...then it's off to the airport for a send off fit for a princess: my boyfriend's coming to the airport to say bon voyage...and it was totally his idea. am I the luckiest girl on the face of the planet or what? so, speaking of boyfriends, things between Phil and I are going fabulously. as of Sunday, we've officially been together for a month. it feels like it's been longer than a month (in a good way), though. well, i guess it technically has been longer than a month, co...

growing up sucks. really, it does. i just got back from lunch with rena, one of my best friends from high school. she's moving to virginia next week with her 1 1/2 year old daughter and her sister who's going to start college. i'm hoping everything works out well for her and the baby...i know it's going to be ok, but i can't help worrying. i didn't realize how hard it was going to be to say goodbye to rena...but i guess it makes sense that it was. she was the first person at my new high school to really welcome me and make me feel a little better about moving halfway across the country. that was 5 years ago. holy crap, 5 years...it doesn't feel like it's been that long. but i guess that's a part of growing up, realizing that people grow up and move away. i mean, you can't stay home forever. well, you can, but you really wouldn't experience life that way. at least move across town or something. or maybe i just feel that way because i'm no...

a skydiver's update: on friday night, we finally jumped out of the plane. the freefall isn't so much of a fall, but more like flying instead. the sheer exhilaration is amazing and frightening all at the same time, but we're experiencing it together, and that's all that matters.

Today is a most happy day...the last day of summer session!!!!!!! I got out of my E. Religions exam about an hour ago....I'm not really sure how I did. At this point I'm just glad to be done. When I'm finished typing this blog, I'm headed for the bookstore so I can sell back my books. Yay! (A miniscule amount of)Cash in my pocket! Then I take my scenic art exam, go home to nap and pack, and then I'm stuck in Telefund hell for 4 hours, then I'm free!!!! I'm spending the 4th of July with a whole bunch of friends. Of course, my parents don't know this yet. But I don't care because I'm old enough to not have to ask if I can go somewhere. I just get in the car and go. Plus, I'm still not speaking to my mother. Anyway, this weekend is going to be a whole lot of fun because we're going clubbing tonight and then we're headed for the beach tomorrow. Tomorrow night we'll come back up to NB to hang out at the house and celebrate both the 4t...

:0) My Life, By The Numbers: An Updated Status Report Time elapsed since being home for the summer: 6 weeks, 5 days Days left of summer session: 2 1/2 Weeks left till Scotland: 5 Weeks till fall semester:9 Weight gained/lost/etc: I really don't care anymore. yes, my pants don't fit, but not everyone was intened to be a size 1 anyway. i'll live. Number of irritating cat episodes since last status report: approximately 4 Number of thorough cleanings of my room since last status report: one. Modern technology has blessed me with Clarinex, so I'm no longer tortured by life itself. Unless I accidentally put on a shirt that the cat has been sitting on. Then I start wheezing like mad. But death threats toward the cat have significantly decreased. DVD's rented since last status report: 0 Amount of over due fees still owed to various video stores: approx. $8 Places of current employment: 1 Amount of last paycheck: not recieved yet Amount of Mastercar...

wow...that was almost too cryptic. i really hope it makes sense. now i feel like i've got one foot outside the plane and one foot inside. i hope this wasn't a stupid move. i could always delete that last post, but that would be cheating. if i delete posts, i delete history. and i need to stop babbling and go to sleep. (like i'll be able to sleep until i find out what happens next)

it's at odd hours of the night/morning that i do my best and worst thinking. that's the best preface that i can come up with for the next bit of cryptic writing i'm about to put down. if it doesn't make sense, it's ok. it's only intended to make sense to one person who let me know that s/he reads this blog (and hopefully that one person will get it and let me know that I'm not going crazy). anyways, here goes... Right now, I feel like I'm going skydiving for the first time. The plane's in the air, I'm in the plane, and I have 2 choices: jump or stay in the plane. If I jump, I'll either get to experience the thrill of flying before safely landing with a parachute, or some horrible disaster will occur and I will plunge to my death. If I stay in the plane, I'll get to land safely, but know that I missed out on a chance of a lifetime because I was too chicken to jump. So what do I do now? Do I jump, or stay in the plane?

*sigh* rainy days and mondays always get me down... well, for once it's not raining today, but it's unnaturally cool. will the weather ever make up its damn mind and decide what season it is? actually, the first day of summer isn't until like next week or something. i guess that's why it's allowed to be barely 70 degrees outside. so i'm here in the computer lab again...putting off other important things that need to be done...because i don't feel like doing anything. blargggghhh. we went to the Cheesecake Factory last night for Father's Day. I'm glad that the food was superb because the service was terrible. first of all, we had to wait an hour and 45 minutes for a table. yes, an hour and 45 fricking minutes. then when we were finally seated, we ended up with a space cadet of a waitress who took for-ev-er to get our drink orders, appetizers, entrees, etc. but the food was really good...i had a Factory Grande Burrito. when they said grande, they re...