My Twenty-Something Quasi-Soap

After yesterday's little voyage to the Keys and back, I decided to get up early today and hit Ft. Lauderdale Beach. When I woke up, the sun was shining and it was slightly breezy out, but nothing that would deter me from chillin' under my umbrella with my copy of Cosmo and a few good books. Please tell me why the clouds rolled in right after I pulled into my $10 parking spot at 10am this morning. I checked the weather from my cell phone (after dropping a dollar for 24 hours worth of mobile web access and god knows how much for the airtime) and was told that the rain would pass south of me and the clouds would clear out by 11. Oh, and there was wind gusts from the NNE at 25-30 miles per hour. Greeaaatttt. Since I already parked, I figured I could chill under the cloud cover for an hour and then the sun would be out and everything would be happy again. I hit the beach with my gear, the clouds broke, and all was good. Except for the umbrella...it was too windy to put it up. Since ...

Well, summer is officially kicking off around the country even though it's been summer here for a week already. The humidity is back along with the heat, and yesterday we had our first massive thunderstorm in what seems like forever. (Note to self: Purchase giant squeegee for the patio ASAP. A Swiffer and salvaged styrofoam from the surround sound package are not permanent fixtures for removing rainwater that threatens to flood the apartment.) So since it's officially summer, it means it's time for summer adventures. And when you add me to a summer adventure equation, the result is usually funny or sad or interesting or something like that. While this nowhere equals the hilarity that ensued about 4 years ago during a random trip to Six Flags with Andre or any of our other Disaster Twins adventures, I feel it's interesting enough to share. If anything, it's a testament to why I don't do more random and impulsive things on my own: I usually screw it up. So today ...

Once upon a time, Captain Douchebag was hanging out in downtown Ft. Lauderdale with his boys. They bounced around from club/bar to club/bar, doing what guys usually do whenever they're downtown. Captain Douchebag and crew were about to leave one particular spot when he spotted a really cute girl headed for the bathroom. Captain Douchebag stopped the girl in her tracks and asked her to dance with him. She smiled and told him that she was on her way to the bathroom, but would find him once she had taken care of her business. A few minutes later she made her way back out to the dance floor where Captain Douchebag quickly found her and they began to dance. While they danced, they carried on the typical conversation that one would attempt to carry on while dancing with a stranger in a club/bar. After a while, Captain Douchebag offered to give the girl his number so she could call him if she wanted to talk. Now, the girl was no dummy. She knew there was no point in chasing after a guy if...

...is what's going on now. Car shopping is supposed to be fun - yet it sucks a lot right now. The GMAT sucks big time if you're not good at math...even if you spend a month trying to relearn everything. Work sucks when I've got so much shit to do and no time to do it in and I have to give other people boring, inane, mind-numbing projects not because I don't want to do it but because I have to time for it. And listening to you boss whine all day...not so much fun either. Fighting with the boyfriend sucks because he's being an idiot and can't grasp the concept that sometimes I have 20 million things going on that affect my mood and might have a bt of an attitude sometimes. Fucking deal with it...douchebag. Money sucks because no one has any money at all anymore and as much as I want to bitch about how bad I've got it, there are so many other people who are worse off and that makes me feel even worse for feeling shitty about my situation. In conclusion: Gener...

...or Leap Day lyrical stylings, if you will. The following is a freestyled IM that I sent my sister last Friday after returning from some errand for work. For background, I'll let you know that the two of us dubbed last month "Emobruary" due to all of the random maladies and misfortune that we encountered over those 29 wretched days. Anyway, here it goes: backety back back back like the mack that i am/ rockin' on a friday and i don't give a damn/ cuz the weather's warm and the sun is sunny/ and i'm just freestylin cuz i think it's funny/ and i figure you could use a laugh and a smile/ it's somethin' you haven't done in quite awhile/ later we'll be at hard rock/ networkin' and manhuntin'/ separate the ballers from the ones just frontin'/ so be glad it's friday/ TGIF/ and jus kick back and chill/ cuz my rhymes are so def! I achieved the desired effect of making my sister smile. Just thought I'd share it with y'all...

To the annoying whiny girl in the cube on the other side of mine: Please dump your pathetic excuse for a boyfriend and move on. Immediately. I'm assuming that the only reason you're still involved with him is because you just moved in with him and you don't want to move back in with your mom. Or maybe he buys you lots of pretty things. Or maybe you're seriously that dumb. I mean, considering that I don't really know you, I can't honestly say that you're dumb...but I've heard enough through the 2-inch upholstered wall between us to know that you're not the brightest Crayola in the box. Intelligence aside, you've at least got to know enough that the loser that you fight on the phone with at least once a week is, well, a loser. Get your shit together and leave him. Now. Please, for the love of pete, move on with your life before you turn into the office's receptionist - getting by in life because you got some dude to buy you new boobs and you pa...

OK, here's the bad news first. It's more like obvious news. The bad news is that my first foray into live blogging a political event was a bit of a disaster. While everything that was going on was really exciting, I was also battling a wretched virus that had me suffering for the past week. A virus that was being treated with antibiotics. Antibiotics that I had an allergic reaction to and then ended up in the ER at 3am on Saturday breaking out into hives and generally freaking out. Then they gave me enough Benadryl to knock out a baby elephant and I slept for the rest of the day. Moving on then... There's two pieces of good news. Good News #1: After 3 days on steroids and 4 days off the evil antibiotics, I am feeling fantastic! Yay for not being sick anymore! Good News #2: Barack Obama swept all three weekend primaries and all three Potomac primaries (Maryland, DC, and Virginia) tonight! wOOt! So, um yeah...no more live blogging for me, and Obama rules. That is all. Oh yeah...

Aight, the polls have just closed in Arkansas, and the first big round of states are starting to sound off. I'll break it down by state, listing who's in the lead or the projected winner. Remember, these are CNN's projections, so this might be different later tonight or some time tomorrow: Alabama: Obama and McCain by a hair Arkansas: Clinton (projected winner) and Huckabee (projected winner) Connecticut: Obama by 2 percent and McCain (projected winner) Delaware: Obama and McCain Georgia: Obama (projected winner) and Huckabee by 2 percent (this one's gonna be close) Illinois: Obama (projected winner) and McCain (projected winner) Massachusetts: Clinton and Romney (projected winner) Missouri: Clinton and McCain Montana (GOP only): McCain New Jersey: Clinton and McCain (projected winner) Oklahoma: Clinton (projected winner) and McCain Tennessee: Clinton (projected winner) and McCain West Virginia: Huckabee (projected winner) Whoo...that was a mouthful. Now that my pasta ...

In the interest of trying at least to be fair in my scope of reporting, I'd like to mention that I accidentally omitted the results from the West Virginia caucus. It was a Republican-only poll (Democrats will vote on May 13th), and Huckabee is the projected winner. I'd also like to say that if someone put a gun to my head and forced me to pick a Republican, I'd pick Huckabee. He's a pretty cool guy...for a Republican.

Hey y'all! If you live in one of the Super Tuesday states and have already cast your vote, you may proceed directly to the next paragraph. If you live in a Super Tuesday state and have NOT cast your vote... *POW!* That's my hand smackin' the hell outta the back of your head. *SMACK!* That's the other hand goin' crost your face. *BOOM!* That's the sound of my size 7 1/2 Doc Marten steel-toe boots connecting with your behind. *RIP!* That's the sound of you getting the worst wedgie of your life times infinity. I do this out of love, mind you, because you need to learn that we all need to be a part of what is going on in the world right now. We (meaning young people) are more than MySpace, more than YouTube, more than hip hop, more than texting, more than video games, so much more than our contemporary celebrities...we are bigger and better than that and we have so much power to bring about change right now! Ok, if you registered recently enough that you weren...

Ok, first let's get the Public Service Announcement stuff out of the way. Unless you live in Iowa, Wyoming(? I think that's the big western square state that had an early primary), New Hampshire, South Carolina or Florida or a handful of other states, Tuesday is an extremely important day. That's right, Tuesday is Super Tuesday, and your state is probably holding its primary elections that day. If you are not a tool and have already registered to vote, you had best be getting your ass to the polls on Tuesday and voting. Note that I haven't said who to vote for. That's because it doesn't matter who you vote for - it just matters that you vote. If you are one of the tools who did not register, or did not register soon enough to vote on Tuesday, all is not lost. Just make sure you're registered and ready to go in November. I mean it. BTDubs, if you're sick of people telling you to get off your lazy slacker ass and vote, I have two bits of advice for you: 1....

...or just a stirring in my soul. -credit to John Mayer for today's blog opening. Yes, boys and girls, I'm winding down a big birthday today. 25. The big 2-5. When your car insurance goes down, you can rent a car without surcharges, you're too old to be on The Real World, and you are officially without a doubt a grownup. I had been dreading this day for months. Even with a lower car insurance bill in sight, I was not looking forward to today. But it's here...almost over, in fact...and I cannot believe that I'm here. Not that I thought wasn't going to live to see 25. I just can't wrap my brain around it. 25 years...is a long time. I didn't want to get up this morning...but I did. I honestly don't know why I was making such a big deal out of it. But I got up and went to work anyway. Good thing I did - the gang at work got me a cake and a card and I was totally not expecting it and it made me feel a lot better. Even if you don't like to make a big d...

Just when you thought 2007 was the craziest year ever... Now we've got 2008. There's so much to look forward to! It's a leap year, so we've got an extra day in February. The Summer Olympics will be going on in Bejing. Britney Spears has already has a major freakout. The late night talk shows are back on the air while the rest of our shows remain in writers' strike purgatory (and we're innundated with reality tv). Oh yeah, there's that whole election thing, too. If you haven't already figured it out, this election is going to be a big deal. A huge deal. A massive and momentous event of epic proportions that you will not be able to get away from unless you move to Fiji. Seriously kids, this is major. Unlike my election post of 2004 , I don't plan to reveal my endorsement/pick for president at all. My stance on it right now is this: who I vote for isn't anyone's business right now. Actually, I'm excited to be old enough to grasp what's g...

And here I sit on the couch, chilling and watching tv with my sister, bundled up in a sweater and fuzzy pants, bored out of my mind because I want Christmas to be here already! No, I'm not going to be 25 next year at all. Anyway, just wanted to kill a few quick minutes and wish you all a peaceful and blessed holiday (whether it's tomorrow or whether you've already celebrated). After the year I've had, I'm definitely grateful to be here in New Jersey with my family and celebrating Christmas together. Merry Christmas to all! I'll be back soon with a year-end wrap up, and it's gonna be a doozy!

Talk about warm fuzzy feelings.... I have some of the best friends in the entire world. I was sitting at work around 4:30 or so this afternoon, and Andre calls me back. I had called him earlier to say hi and brag about the company holiday party I attended (and got wasted at) last night. Anyway, I pick up the phone, and after some general chit-chat, I'm told what my Christmas present will be. I'm going to Rutgers-Christmas. Seriously. But wait, you say, doesn't Rutgers-Christmas take place where the majority of the founders of said event are? Meaning New Jersey? As in, hundreds if not thousands of miles away from Florida? You would be correct, and I thank you for following this little blog long enough to know such random trivia about my life. I'm going to New Jersey. Tomorrow morning. Into a nor'easter that's gonna hit on Sunday. I'll worry about that on Sunday. I have the. best. friends. ever. Actually, I've been having a good few days. Dad got a kidne...

We're getting down towards the end of the year, and...well...am I the only one who can't believe that it's December already? This year has been insane. I was right when I said that 20o7 was gonna be a big year - I just didn't realize how big. I went from living at the Bayshore Bungalow with 4 other people at one point to living in Florida with my sister. I was getting over paid at a job I hated, now I'm loving a job that pays practically nothing. I could go on and on, but my brain is tired. Work does that to a person. Anyway, it's not quite time for the classic year-end wrap up blog that I sometimes do. Right now it's time to have some dinner, crack open a beer, and play some Guitar Hero III. Laters

That's how I'm rollin' right now. With the brokeness. Thank god for ramen noodles and chicken nuggets. Just finished spending my paycheck before I've even gotten it...on bills. ::sigh:: But there are happy things to look forward to! Andre is coming down to visit tomorrow because he's a lucky bastard who gets a 5 day weekend thanks to teachers' convention and Veterans' Day. But I guess I'm really the lucky one because I get to see him for a few days. And yesterday I got a call from another one of my awesome friends in Chicago who wants to come visit in December. Between that and the fact that the weather has turned absolutely gorgeous, I'm starting to see a few of the benefits of living down here in Florida. Except for the fact that I'm broke all the time. But then again, how many of you can say that you went to the beach last weekend? That's what I thought. So there. Ok...have to finish cleaning and then I have to put gas in my car (thank god...

Ok, so October rolled around and the heat finally broke (kinda) and things were really quiet out in the tropics. I won't say that I was lulled into a false sense of security, but I'll admit that I wasn't as vigilant about checking on the weather as I originally was. I mean, it got really boring to go onto the NHC website and see nothing but boring little disturbances that fizzled out quickly, or, even worse (or better), nothing. So of course I didn't think anything of yet another area #1 out somewhere in the Atlantic that had, as the website said, little chance of development. Conversation with my sister yesterday: Sis: There's a riptide warning issued for the beaches today. Me: Well, makes sense, it's really windy out today. Sis: They said it's due to TD #(I don't remember what number it was). Me: TD # What? When the hell did that happen? Sis: My bad...it's actually a tropical storm now. Tropical Storm Noel. Me: Well, where's it headed? Sis: Umm...

I have a love/hate relationship with air travel, as most people do nowadays. It's bad enough that I got violated on my airfare because I had to fly on short notice (nearly twice as much as I would have paid if I bought my ticket an extra week in advance). But has anyone else experienced the same type of wretchedness that comes with flying today? In the 2 years after 9/11 that I had to travel by air, I was "randomly searched" by airport security on nearly half of my flights - the locations of such occurences were the following: -Kansas City -St. Louis (on the connecting flight from KCI to LaGuardia) -Ft. Lauderdale -London Honestly...the only one that made sense was London. And that was the most blatant example of racial profiling that I had been subjected to - only brown people were pulled aside before getting on that plane. After the searches died down (have not been subjected to one since London), I then had to deal with delays. The one (and only) time I flew out of Phi...

Attention: Perez Hilton is a fat wretched queen. I repeat - Perez Hilton is a fat wretched queen. Yes, we're all guilty of indulging in our celebrity gossip, and we all have the right to say whatever we want, but Perez is just a fat wretched queen who honestly has no business saying half of the crap that he says about people. Honestly, have you seen a picture of that ghastly 'mo? That is all.