wishing my life away...
Did you ever notice how we wish our lives away? Well, at least some of us do. We spend our time wishing that time would spped up a little so we can get to that next big milestone...and once we get there we're only temporarily satisfied. Then we find the next goal and wish every day away until we get there. I spent my years in high school wishing I could be in college already. Then I spent my college years wishing I could just have my degree already. Now i'm sitting here, wishing for my life a year from now. Hopefully, a year from now, I'll have a real job and I won't live in my parents' house. It doesn't seem like it's too much to ask for, but it's so hard to get there. grrr....
Life at the cheesecake factory continues to destroy my mental and physical health. I realized that my sister is going back to Princeton next week, and I've barely seen her all summer. She was at work while I was sleeping my days away, and I was at work while she did her homework for summer classes. The few times that I really have seen her I've just ended up annoying the crap out of her because she was trying to do homework and I needed to get all of my annoying big sister stuff out of my system before acting like a real human being. *sigh* I haven't talked to my "boyfriend" in over two weeks. It's really over this time. If he's too lazy to pick up a damn phone and use speed dial, then it's much better for me to cut my losses now instead of constantly worrying myself over him. His loss...and I'm so over it.
I think I'm starting to develop Stockholm's Syndrome. You know, the thing that happens to hostages...they try to sympathise with their captors in an attempt to cope with the situation. (tee hee, I used the British spelling and I'm not changing it) Sometimes I feel bad for my manager because he's had to deal with so many people leaving the bakery (10 since I started working there, and we just lost a new cashier this weekend) and he's had no choice but to work his remaining cashiers into the ground. This weekend, I stayed late to help the bakery close down because I felt sorry for them. They have to stay so much later than everyone else.
Then I tell myself, "No, you don't feel bad for anyone!" I think my manager's an idiot for not hiring enough people and not hiring the right people. And staying to help the bakery earns me brownie points all around, plus I managed to rack up 5 hours' overtime pay for it.
Either way, I'm going crazy. I'm addicted to Red Bull (I'm not even joking), I don't fall asleep until 4am, and I usually eat about 1 meal a day. I barely see my friends or my family, my room is always a mess, and I pretty much feel like crap.
I can't wait to leave that godforsaken place. Every day I find new things that are just totally wrong there. Like:
-no lunch breaks (which, to my dismay, is not illegal in this state)
-the majority of the managers have some sort of substance abuse problem
-the thinly veiled perverted-ness of most of my managers
-I'm working with stupid people
Ok, maybe "stupid" is an unfair word. "Uneducated" may be a little bit more accurate. I mean, I hate to say that I'm smarter than my managers, but I highly doubt that any of them have a bachelor's degree in anything. Maybe a few of them have associate's degrees from restaurant schools but that's probably it. I've spent so much of my life being surrounded by people who were in college or have degrees that I'm really aware of the difference between people who went to school and people who didn't. I'm smarter than these dudes, but they'd never admit it. So they treat me like I'm 4 years old. Or like I'm retarded. It's this patronizing pat-on-the-head mentality that they use toward me because they truly know that I'm smarter than they are. And I'm a woman. Let me tell you, I'm so fucking sick of being patronized and spoken down to. So. Fucking. Sick. Of. It.
At least my NYC internship is going well. I have an interview for another one tomorrow, and I'm hoping that it will lead to a full time position next year (as in January of next year). And soon I'll be back at the toy store full time for the holidays, which will lead to the end of my abusive summer and I might be able to live like a human being again.
Well, my attention is fading, so i'll depart for now...updates to follow if i ever find the time
Life at the cheesecake factory continues to destroy my mental and physical health. I realized that my sister is going back to Princeton next week, and I've barely seen her all summer. She was at work while I was sleeping my days away, and I was at work while she did her homework for summer classes. The few times that I really have seen her I've just ended up annoying the crap out of her because she was trying to do homework and I needed to get all of my annoying big sister stuff out of my system before acting like a real human being. *sigh* I haven't talked to my "boyfriend" in over two weeks. It's really over this time. If he's too lazy to pick up a damn phone and use speed dial, then it's much better for me to cut my losses now instead of constantly worrying myself over him. His loss...and I'm so over it.
I think I'm starting to develop Stockholm's Syndrome. You know, the thing that happens to hostages...they try to sympathise with their captors in an attempt to cope with the situation. (tee hee, I used the British spelling and I'm not changing it) Sometimes I feel bad for my manager because he's had to deal with so many people leaving the bakery (10 since I started working there, and we just lost a new cashier this weekend) and he's had no choice but to work his remaining cashiers into the ground. This weekend, I stayed late to help the bakery close down because I felt sorry for them. They have to stay so much later than everyone else.
Then I tell myself, "No, you don't feel bad for anyone!" I think my manager's an idiot for not hiring enough people and not hiring the right people. And staying to help the bakery earns me brownie points all around, plus I managed to rack up 5 hours' overtime pay for it.
Either way, I'm going crazy. I'm addicted to Red Bull (I'm not even joking), I don't fall asleep until 4am, and I usually eat about 1 meal a day. I barely see my friends or my family, my room is always a mess, and I pretty much feel like crap.
I can't wait to leave that godforsaken place. Every day I find new things that are just totally wrong there. Like:
-no lunch breaks (which, to my dismay, is not illegal in this state)
-the majority of the managers have some sort of substance abuse problem
-the thinly veiled perverted-ness of most of my managers
-I'm working with stupid people
Ok, maybe "stupid" is an unfair word. "Uneducated" may be a little bit more accurate. I mean, I hate to say that I'm smarter than my managers, but I highly doubt that any of them have a bachelor's degree in anything. Maybe a few of them have associate's degrees from restaurant schools but that's probably it. I've spent so much of my life being surrounded by people who were in college or have degrees that I'm really aware of the difference between people who went to school and people who didn't. I'm smarter than these dudes, but they'd never admit it. So they treat me like I'm 4 years old. Or like I'm retarded. It's this patronizing pat-on-the-head mentality that they use toward me because they truly know that I'm smarter than they are. And I'm a woman. Let me tell you, I'm so fucking sick of being patronized and spoken down to. So. Fucking. Sick. Of. It.
At least my NYC internship is going well. I have an interview for another one tomorrow, and I'm hoping that it will lead to a full time position next year (as in January of next year). And soon I'll be back at the toy store full time for the holidays, which will lead to the end of my abusive summer and I might be able to live like a human being again.
Well, my attention is fading, so i'll depart for now...updates to follow if i ever find the time
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