My Twenty-Something Quasi-Soap

To the annoying whiny girl in the cube on the other side of mine: Please dump your pathetic excuse for a boyfriend and move on. Immediately. I'm assuming that the only reason you're still involved with him is because you just moved in with him and you don't want to move back in with your mom. Or maybe he buys you lots of pretty things. Or maybe you're seriously that dumb. I mean, considering that I don't really know you, I can't honestly say that you're dumb...but I've heard enough through the 2-inch upholstered wall between us to know that you're not the brightest Crayola in the box. Intelligence aside, you've at least got to know enough that the loser that you fight on the phone with at least once a week is, well, a loser. Get your shit together and leave him. Now. Please, for the love of pete, move on with your life before you turn into the office's receptionist - getting by in life because you got some dude to buy you new boobs and you pa...

OK, here's the bad news first. It's more like obvious news. The bad news is that my first foray into live blogging a political event was a bit of a disaster. While everything that was going on was really exciting, I was also battling a wretched virus that had me suffering for the past week. A virus that was being treated with antibiotics. Antibiotics that I had an allergic reaction to and then ended up in the ER at 3am on Saturday breaking out into hives and generally freaking out. Then they gave me enough Benadryl to knock out a baby elephant and I slept for the rest of the day. Moving on then... There's two pieces of good news. Good News #1: After 3 days on steroids and 4 days off the evil antibiotics, I am feeling fantastic! Yay for not being sick anymore! Good News #2: Barack Obama swept all three weekend primaries and all three Potomac primaries (Maryland, DC, and Virginia) tonight! wOOt! So, um yeah...no more live blogging for me, and Obama rules. That is all. Oh yeah...

Aight, the polls have just closed in Arkansas, and the first big round of states are starting to sound off. I'll break it down by state, listing who's in the lead or the projected winner. Remember, these are CNN's projections, so this might be different later tonight or some time tomorrow: Alabama: Obama and McCain by a hair Arkansas: Clinton (projected winner) and Huckabee (projected winner) Connecticut: Obama by 2 percent and McCain (projected winner) Delaware: Obama and McCain Georgia: Obama (projected winner) and Huckabee by 2 percent (this one's gonna be close) Illinois: Obama (projected winner) and McCain (projected winner) Massachusetts: Clinton and Romney (projected winner) Missouri: Clinton and McCain Montana (GOP only): McCain New Jersey: Clinton and McCain (projected winner) Oklahoma: Clinton (projected winner) and McCain Tennessee: Clinton (projected winner) and McCain West Virginia: Huckabee (projected winner) Whoo...that was a mouthful. Now that my pasta ...

In the interest of trying at least to be fair in my scope of reporting, I'd like to mention that I accidentally omitted the results from the West Virginia caucus. It was a Republican-only poll (Democrats will vote on May 13th), and Huckabee is the projected winner. I'd also like to say that if someone put a gun to my head and forced me to pick a Republican, I'd pick Huckabee. He's a pretty cool guy...for a Republican.

Hey y'all! If you live in one of the Super Tuesday states and have already cast your vote, you may proceed directly to the next paragraph. If you live in a Super Tuesday state and have NOT cast your vote... *POW!* That's my hand smackin' the hell outta the back of your head. *SMACK!* That's the other hand goin' crost your face. *BOOM!* That's the sound of my size 7 1/2 Doc Marten steel-toe boots connecting with your behind. *RIP!* That's the sound of you getting the worst wedgie of your life times infinity. I do this out of love, mind you, because you need to learn that we all need to be a part of what is going on in the world right now. We (meaning young people) are more than MySpace, more than YouTube, more than hip hop, more than texting, more than video games, so much more than our contemporary celebrities...we are bigger and better than that and we have so much power to bring about change right now! Ok, if you registered recently enough that you weren...

Ok, first let's get the Public Service Announcement stuff out of the way. Unless you live in Iowa, Wyoming(? I think that's the big western square state that had an early primary), New Hampshire, South Carolina or Florida or a handful of other states, Tuesday is an extremely important day. That's right, Tuesday is Super Tuesday, and your state is probably holding its primary elections that day. If you are not a tool and have already registered to vote, you had best be getting your ass to the polls on Tuesday and voting. Note that I haven't said who to vote for. That's because it doesn't matter who you vote for - it just matters that you vote. If you are one of the tools who did not register, or did not register soon enough to vote on Tuesday, all is not lost. Just make sure you're registered and ready to go in November. I mean it. BTDubs, if you're sick of people telling you to get off your lazy slacker ass and vote, I have two bits of advice for you: 1....