We will stand again.

On October 28, I traveled in a panic. We needed to beat the storm back to New Jersey, have the plane land there before the airport shut down, and rush our preparations to completion. We were in Kansas City for my cousin's wedding (a story for another time, if ever - it's not really safe to blog), and the impending doom alarm chimed softly in a corner of my mind the entire time we were there.

Impending doom was an understatement.

We got the last EWR bound flight for the airline that day. Dashed to Target and the supermarket - not a bottle of water to be found but a few strays on a top shelf that he was able to grab. I went back out later for flashlights and discovered cases of water at Toys R Us. Gassed up my car. Felt the winds picking up and worried about what we were in for. I had already scheduled the next day off - I was glad I didn't have to worry about heading to work with the hurricane on the way.

On October 29, the winds got stronger. I had nothing to do but watch the tv as the images started to come in. Water washing under boardwalks. Water filling streets and houses. We didn't have to worry about our river up here - wouldn't even come close to flood stage. Later in the day, we started to lose power. First it just flickered. Then it would go dark for a minute or two, then come back. At 8:20 pm, it went out and didn't come back.

We lit a few scented candles and tried to do a puzzle. We showered before the hot water disappeared. The winds howled as we slept in the living room; I was afraid a tree would fall on the roof and we'd have no way of getting out if we slept in the bedroom.

October 30. The winds have died down. It is wet and quiet and dark everywhere. We charged our phones in our cars. According to Facebook, Seaside is - gone? Lower Manhattan is dark? Cell service has been spotty and the internet doesn't work. We went to his office - the lights worked there. No tv, but light and heat. Watched a few movies, ate tv dinners from the A&P, then made our way back to a dark, cold apartment. I finally got word at 10:30 that night - no work tomorrow. Driving ban on the township roads.

Halloween was canceled, thanks to the Governor, and pushed back to Monday. I was up early and on the road in a frantic search for power and wi-fi. McDonald's closed. Starbucks closed. Barnes and Noble closed. Some crappy sandwich place in Upper Montclair had wi-fi but no spare power - every outlet and strip taken by someone's iPad or laptop. Finally found the mall food court a good 15 minutes before the rest of the mall opened. Tried to log into webmail at work. Couldn't get in. Spent the rest of the time seeing the aftermath of the storm. Seaside Heights. Point Pleasant. Atlantic City. Mantoloking on fire. Breezy Point burning. Lower Manhattan was Waterworld. So was Hoboken and Little Ferry. Story after story of destruction and obliteration and heartbreak.

The rest of the week blurs. Wandering to stores for distraction. Dinners out. Back to work at a half-empty office Thursday, driving ban be damned. We fought about the fish. I cleaned out the freezer. He sulked about my being stressed, but I was the one who gave him the pep talk. He claimed not to care about the Shore. The power was still out. Extra blankets on the bed. I bought candles. Our power restoration got pushed back almost a week. I had a meltdown at work while on the phone with my mother on Friday.

I waited in line for gas for three and a half hours. I went to my mother's house without him. I returned to the apartment to find the lights back on. He came back and said that we shouldn't live together anymore. I told him I'd start looking for a place tomorrow.

Heartbreak in varieties. The storm destroyed lives and homes and love. But I, like my beloved Jersey, will stand again.

We will all stand again.

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