Still agitated...

...so I'm going to keep writing. Maybe I'll do this every day till I figure it out. Maybe I'll look at all of this tomorrow and say, "Well, fuck that," and find something else to go and do.

I remembered on my way home from work that I don't have any food in my house, which means that at some point this evening I'll have to get back up from this couch and over to the grocery store on the opposite side of town if I plan on anything that resembles dinner.

It's actually pretty funny how I think that buying stuff from the grocery store is somehow more responsible or healthier than take out every night, but it really isn't because I've recently refused to cook anything. I don't have a dishwasher in my apartment, which means that every single pot, pan, dish, and utensil has to be washed by hand - my hands - at some point in the immediate but often distant future. I think it's a miracle that I've lived here for almost a year and a half and I haven't created a vermin problem or biohazard over my refusal to clean up after I cook. I switched to paper plates and plastic silverware about a month ago. I still have no desire to cook. Besides, "real" food is expensive and time consuming, I don't have a lot of work space in my kitchen, and why am I going to go through the hassle of halving recipes or seeking out small portion recipes when I don't really even like eating leftovers? My idea of victory at the grocery store is any trip in which I have not purchased a 12-pack of ramen noodles. A "regular" dinner is one of the frozen variety. I get ambitious with ramen sometimes and put frozen vegetables in it. Fancy dinners are when I roll the dice on some cocktail shrimp and some fun selections from the self-serve olive bar. Maybe I'd be more interested in cooking if I was good at it - I'm not. And I don't need to lose any weight or bring down my cholesterol or lower my blood pressure. I can eat whatever the fuck I want and still look awesome. Why bother cooking?

Right now I'm also contemplating hitting up the Portuguese BBQ spot for dinner. It's closer than the grocery store, and it's delicious. If I can get my butt off the couch before 8:30, I get Portuguese BBQ for dinner.

I hate having to travel 15 minutes across town to the grocery store when there's another one 5 minutes away from my house. The Shoprite is on the nice (read: wealthy) side of town. Hence the store is spotless, there's always plenty of cashiers, the variety is nice, and the customers are decent. The Stop N Shop less than 5 minutes away is on the ghetto side of town. My neighborhood isn't ghetto, but the Stop N Shop sure is. Do you like being accosted by panhandlers for money on a regular basis? Go to Stop N Shop. Do you like supermarkets that have an weird scent of kitty litter? That's the Stop N Shop. How about shelves that always look like everyone's prepared for the zombie apocalypse? Check. Over-frozen food in the freezer cases? Check. A maximum of three cashiers available no matter the time of day or week? You betcha. Oh, they even have the self checkout lanes - but the majority of people using them lack the IQ to operate the machines in an efficient manner. AND everything is 15 to 50 cents more expensive than Shoprite! It's so sad. And annoying.

That's all I feel like writing today.


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