My Twenty-Something Quasi-Soap

A few weeks ago I mentioned that I would tell you all the story of my voyage to the U-Pull-It with my sister. Being as that today's a slow day at work (read: I don't feel like working), I'll take a little bit of time to tell you all the tale. It's a good one (I think). This past winter I had taken my car to the local Pep Boys for some routine service (ah, my little money pit of an old car...I almost miss you) and I was chilling in the grimy waiting area when I got a phone call from my sister. She had just left the Honda dealership after taking her early 90's Accord in for an unusual situation: the temperature control knob for the air condititioner had broken off and she needed a new one. Since her car is nearly 15 years old, the dealer obviously did not have such a replacement lying around. The guy in the shop suggested that she go to the U-Pull-It and search for one. My sister asked me to tag along with her, and considering that I had nothing else better to do othe...

...am I the only one who's pissed off at the new JC Penney commercial that's a badly attempted homage to "The Breakfast Club," aka One Of The Greatest Eighties Movies EVER? I just saw it again and my eye was twitching. The first time I saw it, I almost threw the remote at the television, which is a serious reaction. Previously, only Kristy Lee Cook from American Idol was the only thing that almost caused me to destroy a thousand dollar television set. I digress. The commercial pisses me off because it failed to capture the awesome angsty-ness that made TBC what it was. The movie was awesome. The commercial tried to use it to market cheap crappy clothing to a bunch of kids who have no true respect for what the movie was all about. The kids in the commercial weren't even alive when the movie was released, for crying out loud!!!! Sorry, I just had to get that off of my chest. JC Penney, you are on notice. Oh wait..I can't even remember the last time I shopped at ...

Hey y'all! Just letting everyone know that TS Fay blew through north of where I am, so all I had to deal with was a lot of wind and rain. And the anxiety that comes from dealing with my first brush with a tropical storm. If you know me, you know that I was probably a hott mess. And I was for most of the day yesterday, considering that I had to go to work. And work in an empty store during a tropical storm. You have to love capitalism. Schools were closed, the county government shut down, everyone was encouraged to stay off the roads...but my store was open. Hooray. I also made sure that our hurricane survival kit was well stocked...which meant dealing with back-to-school shoppers and apocalypse preparers all converging at the local Super Target at the same time. Fun, fun, fun, fun, fun!!! But all in all, we're well prepared for any other storms headed our way, and Fay is almost outta here with her wind and rain and crap. So you can all stop worrying now and go back to enjoying ...

So I'm double posting today, but I just had to share this. I finally understand why it's important to have a top of the line computer with the fast processors and the cable internet access (that's bleeding us dry as part of the cable bill but soooo worth it). I was just watching the Chinese women's gymnastics team in their first official practice online. Live. From China. In nearly perfect resolution. I shit thee not. Yo, NBC has the illest hookup going on with this whole internet thing! You can actually watch up to 4 different events at the same time with their viewer. And it's all Mac friendly!!!! Omfg the Olympics are so totally kick-ass right now. And now I'm trying to calculate how many hours of sleep I really need tonight...the US team starts their practice at 1:30am. Which is 1:30pm in Bejing. Fortunately they're exactly 12 hours ahead of the East Coast, so that makes it easier to figure out exactly what time it is here and there and all that good cr...

Ok, first big countdown. 90 days (yup, only 3 months) till Election Day. I know I've taken a bit of a break from the political blogging, but I'm reminding you all now that this upcoming election is massive. Huge. An election of epic proportions that no one can afford to just stand by and watch. You. Must. Vote. And although I've already endorsed Barack Obama, I don't care who you vote for, as long as you vote. Granted, I'd request that you get your head checked it you voted McCain, but I'd give you your props for going to the polls. Additionally, I will do my best to keep from calling you all sorts of nasty names 2 years from now when everything really has gone to shit because McCain became president (provided that he doesn't croak on Inaguration Day, which is what I'd bet good money on). Political party affiliations aside, it's really really really of the utmost and paramountly extreme importance that you get out there and vote on Election Day. 90 d...

Maybe I'll just roll the dice and try a cruise in late October instead. A three day cruise to the Bahamas. $200 bucks on Norwegian...not bad, provided I bank some spending cash beforehand and pray for no hurricanes. Although, I know as well as anyone how stupid it is to book a cruise between June 1st and November 30th. But if I got lucky, the $200 would be worth it, right? And I'd just have to work on a Saturday to make up the missed hours on Monday (or even do a half day on Monday after getting off the ship and then making the rest of the hours up during the week). I'm an idiot. And I need a vacation. That is all.

Just felt like posting about the general malaise that accompanies this wretched time of year. Well, for mostly everyone, summer is awesome because the weather's nice. Down here, it's just wretchedly hot. I'm adjusting, but it's still flippin' hot. Anyway, I'm pissed off about airline tickets. And airlines and air travel in general. What used to be fun and exciting and glamorous has now turned into a necessary evil or something to be endured. My most recent travel experience had me sitting on filthy planes and dealing with some of the worst customer service ever (this means you, Airtran. Worst. Airline. Ever.). All while paying (well, Mom paid) close to $400 dollars for a connecting flight to the middle of nowhere that resulted in a 17 hour journey home. Ok, I'll knock off the 3 hour drive to the airport and the 45 minute detour to grandma's house. So it was a 13 hour and 15 minute journey home. Do you know how many awesome places you can get to in 13 hou...

So working for a major book retailer has its perks. Like the discount. And planning an vampire/human engagement party that may or may not be crashed by a werewolf. If that last sentence made no sense to you, don't worry. It wouldn't have made sense to me about 2 months ago, either. For those of you who are not teenage girls, parents of teenage girls, or "hip to what the kids are reading these days," I'll provide a quick catch-up. ***Obligatory spoiler alert begins here for anyone that might actually try to read the damn books. You probably won't want to read the rest of the post. But trust me: you're not missing anything by not reading the books, hence proceed without fear. Like I said, the spoiler alert is now standard blog protocol and therefore obligatory.*** There's this series of books by an author named Stephenie Meyer called the "Twilight Saga." The three books are about a 17 year old girl who moves to a town in Washington where it rai...

So I settled into my daily internet routine of checking e-mail, Facebook, MySpace, Failblog, etc., when I realized that it was exactly one year ago today that I officially arrived in South Florida to make it my new home. And as always, a lot of stuff has changed in one whole year. When I got down here, I had no job. A year later, I'm on job number 2. (But have no fear...I'm intent on staying at this one for a while. Really. I promise. That's the plan, ok?) When I got down here, my trusty and beloved tank (aka my '98 Corolla) had no problems adjusting to the heat and gave me very little trouble. Until the door latch fell apart in a parking lot 2 months ago, forcing me to re-attach it with masking tape and drive home at a maximum speed of 45 mph lest the tape fail and the door flew open. A year later, I have a new(ish) car. May The Tank rest and rot in various stages of disassembly at the U-Pull-It Lot. (Remind me to tell you about my adventure at the U-Pull-It. It's ...

We lost a really good one last night. If you haven't heard already, George Carlin passed away last night at the age of 71. If you don't know who George Carlin was, you have a lot of learning (and laughing) to do. His most classic bit was "Seven Words You Can't Say On Television," and you can find it on YouTube, and I suggest you start there. While at least two of those words are probably now heard on prime time tv on a regular basis, it's still a great piece. George Carlin was legendary. Thought-provoking. Ground-breaking. Hilarious. His name belongs on the top ten list of Great American comedians (and he's probably in the top three on that list). My personal favorite of his bits comes from his 2001 album "Complaints and Grievances." It's the last track on the cd, and it's about the Ten Commandments and how they can be altered and combined to simply two. The logic behind it is startlingly clear, and as always, it's really damn funny. ...

I finally got my beach day! Well, it wasn't really a whole day. Just the morning. But it was all that I needed. Just my beach chair, my umbrella, a towel, and a good book. Sunny skies, a tiny breeze off the coast, and enough peace and quiet till about 12:30 when the rain rolled in. But that's ok with me, because I got my beach day, and that's all I wanted after the week I had. Throwing a grand opening party is no easy task. Especially when you're running around a 30,000 square foot store in 3 inch heels all night. But I pulled it off and I'm recovering nicely, and the party was a success and I love my job and I heard about how things are going crappy at the old job so I'm even happier because karma has won again and at the end of the day I won because I got my beach day! And the award for longest run-on sentence not written by Dickens goes to me. ;) Aight...off to find some munchables and chill before going to the movies later. Then it's the First Saturday (...

Yes, I know that I am 25 years old and therefore a bit old to be using "the text-speak" in my blog, let alone the very title of a post. Stfu. I don't care. Because seriously, how the hell is it June already? June and insufferably hot and sticky outside? (Yes, I know I live in in South Florida, but even the locals are saying that it's too effing hot for this time of year!) I repeat, omgwtfbbq! (What's actually really scary is that I have made a lot of the new internet lingo and kitty pidgin part of my everyday conversations with my sister.) Another side note: I'm listening to Pandora right now...just created a new station because I needed some new beats, and a freakin' Joss Stone song comes on. I'm sorry, but I just don't like her. I don't know why everyone keeps flipping out over her. I mean, yes, she has one of those "blue-eyed soul" type of voices, but she sounds like she's trying too hard. That's just my opinion. I'm ...

After yesterday's little voyage to the Keys and back, I decided to get up early today and hit Ft. Lauderdale Beach. When I woke up, the sun was shining and it was slightly breezy out, but nothing that would deter me from chillin' under my umbrella with my copy of Cosmo and a few good books. Please tell me why the clouds rolled in right after I pulled into my $10 parking spot at 10am this morning. I checked the weather from my cell phone (after dropping a dollar for 24 hours worth of mobile web access and god knows how much for the airtime) and was told that the rain would pass south of me and the clouds would clear out by 11. Oh, and there was wind gusts from the NNE at 25-30 miles per hour. Greeaaatttt. Since I already parked, I figured I could chill under the cloud cover for an hour and then the sun would be out and everything would be happy again. I hit the beach with my gear, the clouds broke, and all was good. Except for the umbrella...it was too windy to put it up. Since ...

Well, summer is officially kicking off around the country even though it's been summer here for a week already. The humidity is back along with the heat, and yesterday we had our first massive thunderstorm in what seems like forever. (Note to self: Purchase giant squeegee for the patio ASAP. A Swiffer and salvaged styrofoam from the surround sound package are not permanent fixtures for removing rainwater that threatens to flood the apartment.) So since it's officially summer, it means it's time for summer adventures. And when you add me to a summer adventure equation, the result is usually funny or sad or interesting or something like that. While this nowhere equals the hilarity that ensued about 4 years ago during a random trip to Six Flags with Andre or any of our other Disaster Twins adventures, I feel it's interesting enough to share. If anything, it's a testament to why I don't do more random and impulsive things on my own: I usually screw it up. So today ...

Once upon a time, Captain Douchebag was hanging out in downtown Ft. Lauderdale with his boys. They bounced around from club/bar to club/bar, doing what guys usually do whenever they're downtown. Captain Douchebag and crew were about to leave one particular spot when he spotted a really cute girl headed for the bathroom. Captain Douchebag stopped the girl in her tracks and asked her to dance with him. She smiled and told him that she was on her way to the bathroom, but would find him once she had taken care of her business. A few minutes later she made her way back out to the dance floor where Captain Douchebag quickly found her and they began to dance. While they danced, they carried on the typical conversation that one would attempt to carry on while dancing with a stranger in a club/bar. After a while, Captain Douchebag offered to give the girl his number so she could call him if she wanted to talk. Now, the girl was no dummy. She knew there was no point in chasing after a guy if...

...is what's going on now. Car shopping is supposed to be fun - yet it sucks a lot right now. The GMAT sucks big time if you're not good at math...even if you spend a month trying to relearn everything. Work sucks when I've got so much shit to do and no time to do it in and I have to give other people boring, inane, mind-numbing projects not because I don't want to do it but because I have to time for it. And listening to you boss whine all day...not so much fun either. Fighting with the boyfriend sucks because he's being an idiot and can't grasp the concept that sometimes I have 20 million things going on that affect my mood and might have a bt of an attitude sometimes. Fucking deal with it...douchebag. Money sucks because no one has any money at all anymore and as much as I want to bitch about how bad I've got it, there are so many other people who are worse off and that makes me feel even worse for feeling shitty about my situation. In conclusion: Gener...

...or Leap Day lyrical stylings, if you will. The following is a freestyled IM that I sent my sister last Friday after returning from some errand for work. For background, I'll let you know that the two of us dubbed last month "Emobruary" due to all of the random maladies and misfortune that we encountered over those 29 wretched days. Anyway, here it goes: backety back back back like the mack that i am/ rockin' on a friday and i don't give a damn/ cuz the weather's warm and the sun is sunny/ and i'm just freestylin cuz i think it's funny/ and i figure you could use a laugh and a smile/ it's somethin' you haven't done in quite awhile/ later we'll be at hard rock/ networkin' and manhuntin'/ separate the ballers from the ones just frontin'/ so be glad it's friday/ TGIF/ and jus kick back and chill/ cuz my rhymes are so def! I achieved the desired effect of making my sister smile. Just thought I'd share it with y'all...

To the annoying whiny girl in the cube on the other side of mine: Please dump your pathetic excuse for a boyfriend and move on. Immediately. I'm assuming that the only reason you're still involved with him is because you just moved in with him and you don't want to move back in with your mom. Or maybe he buys you lots of pretty things. Or maybe you're seriously that dumb. I mean, considering that I don't really know you, I can't honestly say that you're dumb...but I've heard enough through the 2-inch upholstered wall between us to know that you're not the brightest Crayola in the box. Intelligence aside, you've at least got to know enough that the loser that you fight on the phone with at least once a week is, well, a loser. Get your shit together and leave him. Now. Please, for the love of pete, move on with your life before you turn into the office's receptionist - getting by in life because you got some dude to buy you new boobs and you pa...

OK, here's the bad news first. It's more like obvious news. The bad news is that my first foray into live blogging a political event was a bit of a disaster. While everything that was going on was really exciting, I was also battling a wretched virus that had me suffering for the past week. A virus that was being treated with antibiotics. Antibiotics that I had an allergic reaction to and then ended up in the ER at 3am on Saturday breaking out into hives and generally freaking out. Then they gave me enough Benadryl to knock out a baby elephant and I slept for the rest of the day. Moving on then... There's two pieces of good news. Good News #1: After 3 days on steroids and 4 days off the evil antibiotics, I am feeling fantastic! Yay for not being sick anymore! Good News #2: Barack Obama swept all three weekend primaries and all three Potomac primaries (Maryland, DC, and Virginia) tonight! wOOt! So, um yeah...no more live blogging for me, and Obama rules. That is all. Oh yeah...

Aight, the polls have just closed in Arkansas, and the first big round of states are starting to sound off. I'll break it down by state, listing who's in the lead or the projected winner. Remember, these are CNN's projections, so this might be different later tonight or some time tomorrow: Alabama: Obama and McCain by a hair Arkansas: Clinton (projected winner) and Huckabee (projected winner) Connecticut: Obama by 2 percent and McCain (projected winner) Delaware: Obama and McCain Georgia: Obama (projected winner) and Huckabee by 2 percent (this one's gonna be close) Illinois: Obama (projected winner) and McCain (projected winner) Massachusetts: Clinton and Romney (projected winner) Missouri: Clinton and McCain Montana (GOP only): McCain New Jersey: Clinton and McCain (projected winner) Oklahoma: Clinton (projected winner) and McCain Tennessee: Clinton (projected winner) and McCain West Virginia: Huckabee (projected winner) Whoo...that was a mouthful. Now that my pasta ...