No regrets...

So I may have been a little harsh in my last post. But I don't regret what I said.

I was just scraping the surface.

My last rant didn't have so much to do with my feminist stance (or possible regression from feminism) as it was about my frustration with things in general.

I mean, seriously - how can you tell someone that you have "strong feelings" for them and then not call, write or care for nine days? Yes, I'm perfectly aware that phones dial out too and computers are perfectly capable of sending e-mails. But, as someone once close to me said, "actions speak louder than words." Instead of being the one to initiate things all the time, I chose to see what action was taken from the other side...and there was no response until I decided to write a bunch of stuff in my blog.

You gotta love technology.

Hey, I know that everyone is entitled to have their retrospective moments. Anyone who reads this regularly has had to deal with my own such moments on a regular basis. But there's a difference between needing time to think and being emotionally unavailable.

In other words, if you're going to be moodier than I am, you better be prepared to just fucking say what's on your mind instead of going silent for over a week.

I guess my only regret (hence making my title now irrelevant) is that I didn't quit while I was ahead. I'm too young to try and make a relationship "work." At the first major speedbump I should have paid attention to all of the warning signs and cut my losses. But part of me wanted to fight and keep it alive. So I fought, and won, but in the end...well, you can all see what happened.

I do know and have always known that I was admired for my brains as well as being pretty. Things wouldn't have gone as far as they would have if that wasn't a factor. And though I might have claimed to be a raging feminist in the last post, I am an old-fashioned girl at heart. But I'm also a die hard romantic. There was never any real romance ever. Either the first time around or the second. I blame it on myself; a girl who realizes that her best assets will also be her downfall one day can easily fool herself into thinking she's found her happily ever after. Besides, she may never get that close to it ever again.

But being the person that I am...I'm not one to settle. I have my expectations, my needs, my wants and desires, and I'm a generally picky person. I don't like to settle for something when I know there's a better fit somewhere. Even if it means waiting forever or waiting for something that may never happen - I just can't settle for what I've got (or had, at this point). Not at this point in my life.

This is not, by any means an apology. I can't apologize for who I am or what I want out of life. Granted, I do sometimes wish that my tongue wasn't so harsh. But I guess that's what makes me special. It's what keeps me coming back to this blog so I can look at it a year from now and see how far I've come.

I tell it like it is. I keep it as real as I can. My brain and my mouth might get me into trouble sometimes, but they've never let me down.