I want to go to sleep so I can forget everything and live in a world that I won't remember. But sleep brings me to tomorrow that much faster, so I have to deal with it all.
It's not fair.
Tonight was like...watching tv with rabbit ears, or listening to a radio station as you're leaving the reaches of its airwaves. You can see the picture or hear the song, but the static keeps you from connecting with it.
I should have known better. I should have known that it was all too good to be true. I mean, everything was great, I was so happy, everyone was happy for me, and then I get static.
Stupid Japan.
There I sat, thinking I had the power to change the course of someone's life, thinking that I just might be important enough to make a person change his mind, praying that something as daunting as some major exam that's 6 months away would make someone stay.
But I'm not that important. And I'm stupid to think I'd be that important. Not when there are so many other important things to worry about and care about. There's no time to deal with someone who's still trying to figure it all out, not when you've got your life perfectly mapped out and you know ten years from now you'll have your six figure salary with your limitless expense account, married to someone equally ridiculously smart with twenty bajillion initials
after her name. All because I'm too stupid to take calculus.
Why the fuck did I ever get the idea to get an MBA, why the fuck did I even ever say anything about it, and why did I automatically shoot myself down because I'm too stupid to fucking pass a calculus course?
Shit, I'd be lucky if I could even pass algebra.
Why can't I just fucking figure it all out and get motivated to do something?
Why the fuck am I even writing this, let alone actually posting it at the risk of screwing things up, like I always do.
Because I'm very good at that.
Bottom line: I'm a person who's good at fucking things up but I've just been lucky enough so far to look like I have it together.
If I could figure out how to pack up, move, and start all over, I probably would.
It's not fair.
Tonight was like...watching tv with rabbit ears, or listening to a radio station as you're leaving the reaches of its airwaves. You can see the picture or hear the song, but the static keeps you from connecting with it.
I should have known better. I should have known that it was all too good to be true. I mean, everything was great, I was so happy, everyone was happy for me, and then I get static.
Stupid Japan.
There I sat, thinking I had the power to change the course of someone's life, thinking that I just might be important enough to make a person change his mind, praying that something as daunting as some major exam that's 6 months away would make someone stay.
But I'm not that important. And I'm stupid to think I'd be that important. Not when there are so many other important things to worry about and care about. There's no time to deal with someone who's still trying to figure it all out, not when you've got your life perfectly mapped out and you know ten years from now you'll have your six figure salary with your limitless expense account, married to someone equally ridiculously smart with twenty bajillion initials
after her name. All because I'm too stupid to take calculus.
Why the fuck did I ever get the idea to get an MBA, why the fuck did I even ever say anything about it, and why did I automatically shoot myself down because I'm too stupid to fucking pass a calculus course?
Shit, I'd be lucky if I could even pass algebra.
Why can't I just fucking figure it all out and get motivated to do something?
Why the fuck am I even writing this, let alone actually posting it at the risk of screwing things up, like I always do.
Because I'm very good at that.
Bottom line: I'm a person who's good at fucking things up but I've just been lucky enough so far to look like I have it together.
If I could figure out how to pack up, move, and start all over, I probably would.
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~liz