Time for some PSA's
Now that the holidays are pretty much over (everyone's back at work and school, bowl season's almost over, we're in NFL playoff season ::sniff:: cough-Dolphins FAIL-cough), we're all starting to settle into our old routines and shedding the common human courtesy and kindness that overtakes us all at the end of the year. With that in mind, here are some friendly public service announcements for people to keep in mind as we head into a new year:
-If you are suddenly stricken with a case of explosive diarrhea in the restroom of your neighborhood bookstore, please be so kind as to attempt to clean up some of the aftermath before making a hasty exit from the premises. Your efforts will appreciated since the staff employs an outside cleaning service to take care of the bathrooms, and hosing down poo in the handicapped stall is so not part of our job description. Additionally, since the cleaning lady is apparently not paid enough to give a damn, the restroom will smell like dirty diapers for approximately 3-4 days after your unfortunate incident.
-If you are accompanying a toddler in your neighborhood bookstore, please pay attention to the child's need to use the toilet. If for some reason all the stalls are currently in use and your child cannot wait to pee, do not have the baby pee in the sink! Please utilize the bushes outside, an extra sippy cup, or the trash can if all else fails. We wash our hands in the sink, we do not pee in it.
-In October, a wide variety of calendars for the upcoming new year arrive in stores everywhere. If you are hellbent on purchasing a specific calendar, please do so in October when that calendar is readily available. Do not wait until December 26th when all calendars are marked down to 50% off. If you choose to wait, you must be content with whatever is available. Do not force the staff at your neighborhood bookstore to scour the shelves looking for the 2009 Happy Bunny calendar when we had 25 of the damn things available 2 months ago. You want to pay half price, you get half the selection (or worse). End of story.
-Due to the catastrophic state of the economy, lots of retailers are relaxing return policies after years of ever-increasing restrictions. Do not take this as an opportunity to pull a fast one and make some extra cash through return fraud. There is a reason why managers are authorized to process returns and regular associates are not: managers know and have seen almost every trick in the book. Don't test us, don't push us, and above all, please do not believe that we were born yesterday. If you get shut down attempting to do a shady return, don't even think about causing a scene: we have security on speed dial, and we aren't afraid to call.
-Bartenders: Do not throw some well tequila and a shit-ton of limes in a glass and call it a margarita. If you do not know how to properly make one, ask a fellow bartender. Do not think that you will be able to fool a patron ordering a margarita into thinking that you know what you are doing when you clearly don't. If you don't know how to make one, say that you don't so we'll be spared the noxious brew that you have invented in lieu of a proper drink.
-Fellow margarita drinkers: If your bartender does not ask you about type of tequila, your preference of rocks or blended, and your desire or refusal of salt, cancel the order immediately and just have a beer. Trust me on this one. If you order a margarita, rocks, salt, Cuervo and you get a blank stare, you will not get the drink you want!
And now, a list of CD's that I never ever ever want to hear again:
A Disney Channel Christmas
A Kidz Bop Christmas
the Mamma Mia movie soundtrack
the Twilight soundtrack
anything by Andrea Bocelli
Ok, I think I got all of the crankiness out of my system. I'm just pissed because I'm supposed to go back to doing my real job today instead of helping out on the floor. I don't want to be locked back in my office!
Alas, the party is over. ::sigh:: Back to work.
-If you are suddenly stricken with a case of explosive diarrhea in the restroom of your neighborhood bookstore, please be so kind as to attempt to clean up some of the aftermath before making a hasty exit from the premises. Your efforts will appreciated since the staff employs an outside cleaning service to take care of the bathrooms, and hosing down poo in the handicapped stall is so not part of our job description. Additionally, since the cleaning lady is apparently not paid enough to give a damn, the restroom will smell like dirty diapers for approximately 3-4 days after your unfortunate incident.
-If you are accompanying a toddler in your neighborhood bookstore, please pay attention to the child's need to use the toilet. If for some reason all the stalls are currently in use and your child cannot wait to pee, do not have the baby pee in the sink! Please utilize the bushes outside, an extra sippy cup, or the trash can if all else fails. We wash our hands in the sink, we do not pee in it.
-In October, a wide variety of calendars for the upcoming new year arrive in stores everywhere. If you are hellbent on purchasing a specific calendar, please do so in October when that calendar is readily available. Do not wait until December 26th when all calendars are marked down to 50% off. If you choose to wait, you must be content with whatever is available. Do not force the staff at your neighborhood bookstore to scour the shelves looking for the 2009 Happy Bunny calendar when we had 25 of the damn things available 2 months ago. You want to pay half price, you get half the selection (or worse). End of story.
-Due to the catastrophic state of the economy, lots of retailers are relaxing return policies after years of ever-increasing restrictions. Do not take this as an opportunity to pull a fast one and make some extra cash through return fraud. There is a reason why managers are authorized to process returns and regular associates are not: managers know and have seen almost every trick in the book. Don't test us, don't push us, and above all, please do not believe that we were born yesterday. If you get shut down attempting to do a shady return, don't even think about causing a scene: we have security on speed dial, and we aren't afraid to call.
-Bartenders: Do not throw some well tequila and a shit-ton of limes in a glass and call it a margarita. If you do not know how to properly make one, ask a fellow bartender. Do not think that you will be able to fool a patron ordering a margarita into thinking that you know what you are doing when you clearly don't. If you don't know how to make one, say that you don't so we'll be spared the noxious brew that you have invented in lieu of a proper drink.
-Fellow margarita drinkers: If your bartender does not ask you about type of tequila, your preference of rocks or blended, and your desire or refusal of salt, cancel the order immediately and just have a beer. Trust me on this one. If you order a margarita, rocks, salt, Cuervo and you get a blank stare, you will not get the drink you want!
And now, a list of CD's that I never ever ever want to hear again:
A Disney Channel Christmas
A Kidz Bop Christmas
the Mamma Mia movie soundtrack
the Twilight soundtrack
anything by Andrea Bocelli
Ok, I think I got all of the crankiness out of my system. I'm just pissed because I'm supposed to go back to doing my real job today instead of helping out on the floor. I don't want to be locked back in my office!
Alas, the party is over. ::sigh:: Back to work.
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