*sigh*....every day I am forced to add another name to the list of people who piss me off...have you ever been told that some big thing was going to happen, but you're not really sure if it actually will? so you wait until the last possible moment to start planning things for this event because you know how unpredictable the situation may be. and then you're given the false impression that the even will actually happen, so you sit with one of your best friends at his apartment and spend 7 hours downloading songs and making a cd so everything will be perfect for the event. you're both dead tired and entertaining guests, but you make the sacrifice anyway. you're doing it out of the kindness and goodness of your heart, and you even sacrifice the completeness of the cd project just so you can have it done for this event. finally, the cd is finished, and all that there is left to do is make the copies...tomorrow. you drag yourself back to your dorm at 12:30 in the morning and there's a message on the machine. good! a final notification that the event is going to happen. Wrong! 7 hours of hard work and endurance flushed down the toilet. goodbye! and that's why i'm so pissed. now there's probably a very good reason why this event will not be taking place this weekend, but i'm so frustrated and tired and pissed at this moment that even if i heard it, i wouldn't care. i mean, that just really sucks to bust your ass for someone and then they don't show. it really sucks. but of course, i'll get over being pissed and everything will be cool again. but what about the next time? should i even bother? to bust my ass and be let down or to not do anything and feel guilty if something actually happens? that is the real question, boys and girls. grrrrr.....i'll be back
Dear Dad, Who knows why I'm putting this in my ancient blog? Why I'm posting it to the internet. Shouting into the void and simultaneously preserving this forever. I guess it's the easiest way to get my thoughts down. Typing can be easier than writing, and it helps me get the words out faster without editing myself. I think about you every day, and I feel like I have more questions than answers, Something moved me to fire up the blog and write, so here I am. It's been a little over seven months since you've been gone. Thinking about the days and months and years leading up to that point feel like a temporal version of the Stations of the Cross. I don't know where the Beginning of the End actually sits in that timeline, but Christmas feels like a good starting point. The last Christmas that we all spent together. Did the tree fall down at all that year? If it didn't, was it a sign that we missed? My birthday dinner in Newark: Mom usually covers the check,...
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