My Twenty-Something Quasi-Soap

i hate growing up. when you get older, you see things in people that you never had the ability to see when you were a kid. you understand the world in different ways. you realize how big and bad this world can really be, and you learn about just how unfair it really is. normally i would be sitting here complaining about my job and how much i need to get my resume done and other mundane crap like that, but i'm going through a temporary change in perspective. a few minutes ago, i learned that a person that i knew was murdered sometime within the past week. well, i can't really say that i knew sarah. i only saw her two times...she was the best friend of one of my shoestring kids. but from the short amount of time that i did spend with her, i was able to see what an amazing person she was. the one word that keeps coming to my head about sarah is warmth. there was just something about her that was instantly likeable. she saw "fiddler on the roof" with a bunch of...

so it's official and crap...around 4 o'clock this afternoon i finally recieved my college degree in theatre arts. i did it I did it. I DID IT!!!!!!!!! i graduated college!!!!! i still can't believe it. it doesn't feel real yet. right after i got my diploma i kept giggling...i actually did it! well, even though it's almost midnight, i'm headed back to the New B for some post-graduation partying. tee hee.....i'm an alum! i should feel grown up, but i don't yet. then again, i did finally get up the courage to order an alcoholic beverage in front of my parents. and i didn't even get carded! life is good right now, so i'm off to go party. toodles! oh! and happy birthday to ratticus finch if you actually read this thing!!! luv ya!

so this is probably the last dorm blog that i'll be doing, unless i am struck by some prolific urge and must write more about leaving Quad 3 and Livingston forever. yesterday i helped andre move out of his apartment, and we were able to do it without any tears. there was one point when it was pretty close...it kinda seemed like there was nothing else i could help out with, and i asked him if there was anything else that he needed me to do, and we just kinda looked at each other for a second or two, knowing that it was the end of an era. before things totally broke down, he said, "yeah, let's find something else for you to do." and we went on like nothing was wrong. i think this whole thing has been so easy because i know i'm going to see andre all throughout the summer and stuff. the end of college isn't goodbye, it's just the end of college. we managed to survive this place and get out of here in four years (just barely!), which is apparently an amazing...

I'M GRADUATING!!!!!!!! I DID IT!!!!! I'M WALKING ON THURSDAY!!!!!! YAY!!!!!!!! so i've bought my cap and gown. i guess i should start moving stuff home now....after i take a shower and jump around my room like an idiot a little more. :0)

12 1/2 hours. i don't even know why i'm still awake...i had such a crazy night last night and then i had to work today. i've been fighting to stay awake, but i mostly dozed between random phone calls. for some reason i don't want to let myself go to bed, but that's exactly what i need to do. i guess that means i should stop drinking this bottle of coke. whatever. time for family guy and some pajamas and maybe i'll finally go to sleep.

19 hours until the list is posted. not just the list. THE list. the one that's going to tell me whether I'm going to walk on thursday or that i should just get in my car and drive as far away from my parents as possible before telling them that i'm not walking. i guess i'm just getting more worked up than i should be. i've heard of lots of seniors who are missing a grade as of friday, and they're people who have their stuff together. all i need is that damn theater history grade, and I KNOW i passed that class. but this is rutgers, and i don't have my degree in my hand yet. alas, i must wait another 19 hours before i know what will happen next. so when i'm not thinking about my immediate future, i'm thinking about the past 4 years that i've spent here on the Banks. i wish i had started blogging sooner...it would have been nice to have some pre-9/11 stuff here. but besides that, i just keep thinking about all the stuff that i've been thr...

so Shoestring is officially over. we had the last 2 shows today, and i only almost cried once. now i'm sitting here and thinking...what am i going to worry about now? i realized that the reason that i got so worked up about shoestring all the time this semester was that it kept me from worrying about other stuff, like what i'm going to do now that i'm not in school anymore. but now that i don't have to worry about rehearsals and shows and being in charge of stuff... i think i'll just sit here in my pajamas and eat more junk food and play some playstation and possibly get rid of some of the alcohol i've got here, and not think about mother's day tomorrow...just another day when we'll all play the ivy league child vs. the complete nutcase child game. i hate that game.

so cinco de mayo was yesterday and i did not partake of a single corona with lime. *sigh* so much for celebrating mexican independence day. i say that any holiday that lets you get away with drinking copiously (St. Patrick's, Mardi Gras, Cinco de Mayo, 4th of july, new year's...) is a holiday i wanna celebrate. this year so far i am only 1 for 5. the fact that i had a sober st. patty's day when i am actually of irish descent is a sad sad thing. then again, i drank so much last year that i can prolly get away with rolling over a few of those green Molsons (we were in toronto) and car bombs to this year. anyway, this blog was not intended to be about heavy drinking. i'm like, done with school and crap. there's still little things here and there that i've been taking care of, but i'm like done. that's a scary thing. hence the reason why i think i went to the grocery store and bought a whole bunch of food so that i could just stay in my room and not ha...

and i've changed the look of my blog. i dunno why, just felt like it. whatever.

so i've been blogging more frequently now than i usually do (once every few days as opposed to once a month or so), but i guess my life just keeps changing so quickly that i have to find one way or another to keep track of it all. so the career services appt. was so frustrating that i'm going to another one tomorrow morning. last week's was about as useful as an appointment with my old high school guidance counselor. y'know, they pretend to care and understand whet you're talking about, but they really don't listen. my hs counselor kept telling me to go to Spelman. i think she did that because all that she really knew about me was that i was black. if she really cared and really listened to me, she would have known that Spelman was the absolute *last* place that i should have gone to (the average SAT score there is like 960 for pete's sake! and that's combined, not just a verbal or math score on its own!). the career services meeting was similar. i ex...