so i've been blogging more frequently now than i usually do (once every few days as opposed to once a month or so), but i guess my life just keeps changing so quickly that i have to find one way or another to keep track of it all.
so the career services appt. was so frustrating that i'm going to another one tomorrow morning. last week's was about as useful as an appointment with my old high school guidance counselor. y'know, they pretend to care and understand whet you're talking about, but they really don't listen. my hs counselor kept telling me to go to Spelman. i think she did that because all that she really knew about me was that i was black. if she really cared and really listened to me, she would have known that Spelman was the absolute *last* place that i should have gone to (the average SAT score there is like 960 for pete's sake! and that's combined, not just a verbal or math score on its own!). the career services meeting was similar. i explained that i was graduating and that i have bills to pay and i need to move out and she's telling me about unpaid internships. it didn't help that i had gone for about 24 hours without sleep at that point and was not in the right capacity to tell her what an idiot she was. hopefully i'll talk with someone tomorrow who's not a complete imbecile.
the whole reason i've ended up going to career services in the first place is because i've changed career paths. i realized about 3 weeks ago that i have wanted to be an actress for all the wrong reasons. i wanted to be a diva or celebrity, not an actress. so i cried for awhile over the death of a lifelong dream, and then i had to figure out what i was going to do with my life now that i had decided to kill that dream. i realized that i was passionate about television. i like looking at what makes television work: it's a business that people look at as an art form. yes, there is an art to tv, and it's an integral part of our lives (even if you try to deny it). but it's a business through and through (look up the reason as to why soap operas are named as such). when it comes to movies, i'm an armchair critic at best. i know my share of stupid trivia, i can talk about why i liked a movie or why i didn't like a movie or a specific actor in the movie, but i'm not passionate about film. i could talk about television for days on end if someone wanted me to. honestly: have someone tell me that "the cosby show" was not one of the most important shows of the 1980's. that person had better prepare for a long debate or a serious ass-kicking. or both, if alcohol is involved. but i digress. essentially, i want to be part of that group of people who make tv happen. those mysterious people that most of the public don't even think about: the network executives. i want to look for good shows and figure out what time slots to put them in. i want to get rid of the crap we have to watch now and stop HBO from winning every Emmy award known to man. not that there's anything wrong with HBO. i love cable. i watch more cable than network tv, as a matter of fact. but i'd like to be that person who brings the next "friends" or "frasier" to the small screen.
so i've figured out my career goal. i just have to get there. and i have to figure out how to make money and pay my bills and move out of my parents' house along the way. no one said that life was easy. *sigh*
my last day of classes is tomorrow. i think the reality of all of this won't hit me until august, when i won't be getting housing info in the mail. or when my sister goes back to school and i'll still be at home, working every day instead of going to class. i realize that that is going to suck a lot. but i will survive. i always manage to figure it out somehow, right? if i can survive RU screws and everything else that college has thrown at me, i can manage to survive the real world, right? that's what college is supposed to do.
so why do i feel totally unprepared for life after may 20th?
so the career services appt. was so frustrating that i'm going to another one tomorrow morning. last week's was about as useful as an appointment with my old high school guidance counselor. y'know, they pretend to care and understand whet you're talking about, but they really don't listen. my hs counselor kept telling me to go to Spelman. i think she did that because all that she really knew about me was that i was black. if she really cared and really listened to me, she would have known that Spelman was the absolute *last* place that i should have gone to (the average SAT score there is like 960 for pete's sake! and that's combined, not just a verbal or math score on its own!). the career services meeting was similar. i explained that i was graduating and that i have bills to pay and i need to move out and she's telling me about unpaid internships. it didn't help that i had gone for about 24 hours without sleep at that point and was not in the right capacity to tell her what an idiot she was. hopefully i'll talk with someone tomorrow who's not a complete imbecile.
the whole reason i've ended up going to career services in the first place is because i've changed career paths. i realized about 3 weeks ago that i have wanted to be an actress for all the wrong reasons. i wanted to be a diva or celebrity, not an actress. so i cried for awhile over the death of a lifelong dream, and then i had to figure out what i was going to do with my life now that i had decided to kill that dream. i realized that i was passionate about television. i like looking at what makes television work: it's a business that people look at as an art form. yes, there is an art to tv, and it's an integral part of our lives (even if you try to deny it). but it's a business through and through (look up the reason as to why soap operas are named as such). when it comes to movies, i'm an armchair critic at best. i know my share of stupid trivia, i can talk about why i liked a movie or why i didn't like a movie or a specific actor in the movie, but i'm not passionate about film. i could talk about television for days on end if someone wanted me to. honestly: have someone tell me that "the cosby show" was not one of the most important shows of the 1980's. that person had better prepare for a long debate or a serious ass-kicking. or both, if alcohol is involved. but i digress. essentially, i want to be part of that group of people who make tv happen. those mysterious people that most of the public don't even think about: the network executives. i want to look for good shows and figure out what time slots to put them in. i want to get rid of the crap we have to watch now and stop HBO from winning every Emmy award known to man. not that there's anything wrong with HBO. i love cable. i watch more cable than network tv, as a matter of fact. but i'd like to be that person who brings the next "friends" or "frasier" to the small screen.
so i've figured out my career goal. i just have to get there. and i have to figure out how to make money and pay my bills and move out of my parents' house along the way. no one said that life was easy. *sigh*
my last day of classes is tomorrow. i think the reality of all of this won't hit me until august, when i won't be getting housing info in the mail. or when my sister goes back to school and i'll still be at home, working every day instead of going to class. i realize that that is going to suck a lot. but i will survive. i always manage to figure it out somehow, right? if i can survive RU screws and everything else that college has thrown at me, i can manage to survive the real world, right? that's what college is supposed to do.
so why do i feel totally unprepared for life after may 20th?
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