Enlightening words...

...that aren't even mine. I have this horrible habit of picking up books that I've had for years and reading them over and over again. I'm too lazy to try and find out what else is good to read in between new Harry Potter releases. I've read The Andromeda Strain by Michael Crichton at least 5 times. That is no exaggeration.

But I digress. (That should be the title of this site.)

I decided to switch things up a bit and revisit a book that I had to read freshman year in college that I remember liking. It's called The Journey of Ibn Fattouma by Naguib Mahfouz. I picked it up and read the first page and it just struck me. I figured I'd share:

"Life and death, dreaming and wakefulness: stations for the perplexed soul. It traverses them stage by stage, taking signs and hints from things, groping about in the sea of darkness, clinging stubbornly to a hope that smilingly and mysteriously renews itself. Traveler, what are you searching for? What emotions rage in your heart? How will you govern your natural impulses and capricious thoughts? Why do you guffaw with laughter like a cavalier? Why do you shed tears like a child?"

Feel free to take a moment to consult a dictionary if necessary. I'll wait.


I guess what made this passage leap out at me is the questions it asks, namely, "Traveler, what are you searching for?" That's exactly what I've been asking myself for the past month and a half.
I'm reaching this point where I have no clue what my next move is supposed to be. Where do I go from here? And I keep wishing that I could just pack everything up and move somewhere completely new and start all over again. I'm so used to moving.

And by moving, I don't just mean moving from one part of the country to another. I was always changing schools. So often, in fact, that my 4 year stint at Rutgers was the longest that I've ever been in one school at one time. It's just the way the system was (and I moved to Jersey halfway through high school). And everything was changing so fast in college, and things are still crazy now. But I'm getting restless.

The book is about a young man who travels through 5 different towns in search of a fabled utopia. He learns so many things along the way, and we never find out if he makes it to his final destination (like you're really going to read this book...don't worry, I didn't spoil the ending too badly). I guess I just feel like the character does. Whatever he's looking for can't be found at home. He has to go out and find it on his own. I feel like I've learned all that's useful to me here in New Jersey, and it's time to move on. I don't even think I can move to NYC.

But where do I go? How do I get there? And what do I do when I get to where I"m going?

"Traveler, what are you searching for?"

I wish I had all the answers. Then I wouldn't be here trying to figure it all out.

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