The one when Lisa broke Ralph's heart

Remember that episode of The Simpsons when Ralph Wiggum fell in love with Lisa (because she gave him a valentine) and he thought she was his girlfriend? And then eventually Lisa freaked out and told Ralph the truth, on the Krusty show nonetheless, and all of Springfield got to witness it on TV. The next day, Bart keeps playing the tape over and over again, pausing it at the exact moment that we see poor Ralph's heart shatter into pieces.

It's like that right now.

I hate it when the truth hurts.

I hate being the rejector.

It like someone's heart was put out there on a platter, gift-wrapped and shiny, not unlike a situation not too long ago. And what did I do?

I smashed it. Not intentionally, but I did.

I am a horrible person.
Ok, I'm not a horrible person. I had to tell the truth. If someone loves you but you don't love them back, you have to tell the truth. I've just saved thousands of dollars in therapy that would have been spent in the future. I did what I had to do.

All I did was tell the truth. I am not Biggest Asshole Ever.
(So why do I feel like I am Biggest Asshole Ever?)

Maybe I'm upset because I have way too many other things to be focusing on and worrying about. Annoyed, possibly, because I thought all was said and done. A month ago.

But then I also feel guilty. Guilty that I don't feel the same way, that I can't feel the same way, no matter how hard I try. And I tried. As messed up as it is to think that you can trick yourself into loving someone, I tried.

Rarrrrggghhhhh.....I, as always, feel bad for not feeling worse about things. Which is always a sucky feeling.

Off to finish up some work for the day and to try really hard to not wallow in self-loathing and regret.