i hate boys. that's all that i feel like saying about that for now.
or maybe i'm lying.
i can't decide if i'm feeling extra emotional because i've had a Corona (which i shouldn't because it was only one on an empty stomach), or because i saw an episode of Will and Grace that had a sappy romantic ending. either way, i feel really crappy towards men (except for my dad and Andre) and i have my job to thank for it.
see, not only has this stupid job ruined my eating patterns (i've lost about 5 pounds since leaving school, and i really shouldn't weigh as little as i do) and my sleeping patterns and forced me to rely on Red Bull in order to act like a civilized human being while on the job, but it ruined...
see, this job is making me bitter and evil. it ruined my lovelife.
if you could call it that.
i mean, i haven't actually seen the guy since a week before graduation, but we kept in touch over the phone and kept promising to see each other when things settled down. i was done with school, but he was training for 6 weeks in Trenton. his training was monday-friday, i was working weekends. he finished training, i ended up with the most ridiculous schedule ever. then he stopped calling. andre ran into him over the weekend and he (the guy) asked, (and i quote), "yo, what's up with your girl?" and that's apparently all he had to say.
if he wants to know what's going on, he should remember how to use a damn telephone...he used to know how they work.
so i had to implement a rule. well, it's a brand new rule that i've just made up and will hopefully never have to use again. but then again, men are stupid when it comes to communication, so i had better keep this rule handy.
UnNumbered Rule Involving Contact With (Potential) Boyfriends: If the boy has not returned a call after the third attempt of calling him, all calls to such person shall cease.
so i'm not going to call him anymore.
part of me wants to believe that he's going to call back any minute with some dramatic excuse about his phone service being screwy and how he's so sorry and can we meet up tomorrow and finally see each other. but he's not going to call. and if he did, he would find out that i already have plans for my day off since he neglected to call me and fit himself into my busy schedule. i've all but e-mailed him a list of all the days off that i've had for the past month.
i can make all the rules and write all sorts of wonderful tell-offs in my head, but it doesn't help one thing:
this hurts like hell.
but the worst part is is that it really hasn't started hurting for real yet. i'm still in that denial phase because i know how much it's going to hurt when it finally kicks in, and i doubt there's enough time in my schedule for a college-style bender to help me deal.
it just really sucks, you know...being at an age where everyone really starts to grow up and do all of these permanent things with their lives, and i'm...
it's just ridiculous.
i can't believe that i actually thought that i could marry this guy someday. i've only known him for 3 months, but we just clicked. it was weird. everything just felt perfect and i was truly hapy and everythign was wonderful, but my messed-up life and stupid job got in the way.
no, this isn't my fault. he's the one who stopped calling.
besides, i can do so much better than him. he's almost 24 years old and still lives at home, for pete's sake. i can't say i'm doing much better, but at least i finished college. he spent his 2 1/2 years in school smoking weed until he cleaned up and got a state job. working in juvenile corrections.
yeah, i can totally do better than him. what was i thinking? it wouldn't have worked out anyway. i would have eventually gotten a better paying job than he had, he'd never motivate himself to go back to community college and eventually get a real estate license, and then i'd spend the rest of my life supporting his lazy ass and raising our 3 kids.
and he's a libra. libras aren't good matches for capriquarians (capricorn + aquarius...i was born on the cusp, but i'm more capricorn anyway). they're very needy when it comes to attention and can't handle the dedication to work that capricorns have. libras are afraid of coming in second to a capricorn's work. they can't help it...that's just the star they were born under. so they'll never realize that capricorns are just as serious and dedicated to their love lives as well, they just have their priorities in check and know when to make time for the people that they love.
(apologies to any libra readers, i'm just telling it like it is)
i should have known it wouldn't last when i found out that he was a libra. my best matches are virgo, taurus, and cancer.
(and i can try to justify things as much as i want, but it's still going to hurt like hell)
so here i am. i'm supposed to be all excited about finally cranking out my resume and sending it off to a few places. i'm supposed to be talking about how nervous i am and worried that no one will call back. but instead i'm bitching about a relationship that was never much of anything in the first place....just some great chemistry and better sex.
and on that note, i should just stop typing before i really get upset and start deleting stuff.
or maybe i'm lying.
i can't decide if i'm feeling extra emotional because i've had a Corona (which i shouldn't because it was only one on an empty stomach), or because i saw an episode of Will and Grace that had a sappy romantic ending. either way, i feel really crappy towards men (except for my dad and Andre) and i have my job to thank for it.
see, not only has this stupid job ruined my eating patterns (i've lost about 5 pounds since leaving school, and i really shouldn't weigh as little as i do) and my sleeping patterns and forced me to rely on Red Bull in order to act like a civilized human being while on the job, but it ruined...
see, this job is making me bitter and evil. it ruined my lovelife.
if you could call it that.
i mean, i haven't actually seen the guy since a week before graduation, but we kept in touch over the phone and kept promising to see each other when things settled down. i was done with school, but he was training for 6 weeks in Trenton. his training was monday-friday, i was working weekends. he finished training, i ended up with the most ridiculous schedule ever. then he stopped calling. andre ran into him over the weekend and he (the guy) asked, (and i quote), "yo, what's up with your girl?" and that's apparently all he had to say.
if he wants to know what's going on, he should remember how to use a damn telephone...he used to know how they work.
so i had to implement a rule. well, it's a brand new rule that i've just made up and will hopefully never have to use again. but then again, men are stupid when it comes to communication, so i had better keep this rule handy.
UnNumbered Rule Involving Contact With (Potential) Boyfriends: If the boy has not returned a call after the third attempt of calling him, all calls to such person shall cease.
so i'm not going to call him anymore.
part of me wants to believe that he's going to call back any minute with some dramatic excuse about his phone service being screwy and how he's so sorry and can we meet up tomorrow and finally see each other. but he's not going to call. and if he did, he would find out that i already have plans for my day off since he neglected to call me and fit himself into my busy schedule. i've all but e-mailed him a list of all the days off that i've had for the past month.
i can make all the rules and write all sorts of wonderful tell-offs in my head, but it doesn't help one thing:
this hurts like hell.
but the worst part is is that it really hasn't started hurting for real yet. i'm still in that denial phase because i know how much it's going to hurt when it finally kicks in, and i doubt there's enough time in my schedule for a college-style bender to help me deal.
it just really sucks, you know...being at an age where everyone really starts to grow up and do all of these permanent things with their lives, and i'm...
it's just ridiculous.
i can't believe that i actually thought that i could marry this guy someday. i've only known him for 3 months, but we just clicked. it was weird. everything just felt perfect and i was truly hapy and everythign was wonderful, but my messed-up life and stupid job got in the way.
no, this isn't my fault. he's the one who stopped calling.
besides, i can do so much better than him. he's almost 24 years old and still lives at home, for pete's sake. i can't say i'm doing much better, but at least i finished college. he spent his 2 1/2 years in school smoking weed until he cleaned up and got a state job. working in juvenile corrections.
yeah, i can totally do better than him. what was i thinking? it wouldn't have worked out anyway. i would have eventually gotten a better paying job than he had, he'd never motivate himself to go back to community college and eventually get a real estate license, and then i'd spend the rest of my life supporting his lazy ass and raising our 3 kids.
and he's a libra. libras aren't good matches for capriquarians (capricorn + aquarius...i was born on the cusp, but i'm more capricorn anyway). they're very needy when it comes to attention and can't handle the dedication to work that capricorns have. libras are afraid of coming in second to a capricorn's work. they can't help it...that's just the star they were born under. so they'll never realize that capricorns are just as serious and dedicated to their love lives as well, they just have their priorities in check and know when to make time for the people that they love.
(apologies to any libra readers, i'm just telling it like it is)
i should have known it wouldn't last when i found out that he was a libra. my best matches are virgo, taurus, and cancer.
(and i can try to justify things as much as i want, but it's still going to hurt like hell)
so here i am. i'm supposed to be all excited about finally cranking out my resume and sending it off to a few places. i'm supposed to be talking about how nervous i am and worried that no one will call back. but instead i'm bitching about a relationship that was never much of anything in the first place....just some great chemistry and better sex.
and on that note, i should just stop typing before i really get upset and start deleting stuff.
Comments