Right....
So it's practically 4am on Monday. I spent the entire day watching television and feeling pathetic about myself. Then again, that's pretty much all I've done for the past week with the exception of Shoestring rehearsals and the Jill Scott concert on Saturday. The concert was inexplicably amazing. But it's over and I'm back in Jersey permanently unless I start coming up with reasons to go to NYC.
So, this whole "wallowing in sorrow" bit. It's becoming a vicious cycle. I'll make up my mind to get over this whole stupid job thing (being rejected by the rent-a-car fuckheads) and I'll just find something else to do. Then I actually make the effort to look online or check out the newspaper for possible leads. Upon looking, I find the following things:
1. Banking positions, which I have already determined to be not suitable because they don't pay more than $9/hr and I would end up being bored enough to kill myself.
2. Retail positions. Again, shit pay and even shittier hours. If I earned an f-ing college degree, why should I have to settle for being a manager at Walgreen's?
3. Administrative assistant. Out of the jobs that don't require you to have prior experience, they require you to be proficient in Excel. Which I am not. Additionally, my month long stint and intern-then-office manager made me realize that I am not cut out to be anyone's damn secretary. Get your own fucking coffee. And send your own damn faxes, while you're at it. If you can't get into your head by now that you have to dial "9" first, you have no right to yell at me about not getting your stupid database together quickly enough. I might have had it done faster if I didn't have to keep sending your stupid faxes.
4. Restaurant anything. Riiiiiggghhht. As stupid as it sounds, I enjoyed destroying my only restaurant reference, thank you very much.
5. Data entry. I'd be shocked if I can still type more than 25 words a minute. And don't even think about asking me to not look at the keys.
6. Receptionist. Might be my best bet at this point...very few positions with benefits.
7. Direct marketing/telemarketing/sales/"financial advising." In other words, big f-ing scams intended to draw in poor suckers like me and force them to scam other poor suckers like me out of their money.
Everything else requires a license that I don't have or a degree that I wasn't apparently smart enough to major in. So after I look at all these jobs that won't do me any good, I get pissed and frustrated and angry at everything and everyone (but mostly myself). Then I go to sleep or watch tv or go to rehearsal...anything that keeps me from crying. Then there will be some random moment of the day when I decide to drag myself out of this mess...and it starts all over again.
So I'm very bored, very tired, and very stressed out. Except when I'm at rehearsal. I'm actually a normal functioning human being at rehearsal, and then I come home.
I started having dreams about airplanes again. Well, I guess I can't say they're about airplanes because I never get to the f-ing plane. I'm always in the middle of somthing, looking at the clock and realizing that I need to be at the airport in like half an hour or I'll miss the plane. I had dreams like this all the time last year. They mean something to the effect of the stress that I'm feeling with deadlines and things. I think that's what they mean. I remember looking up the meaning last year but now I can't find it. Anyway, I know I'm realy starting to freak out if I'm having the airplane dreams. But I don't know how to fix it.
I better try to get some sleep. The last thing I need on top of everything is to become a flippin' insomniac.
So, this whole "wallowing in sorrow" bit. It's becoming a vicious cycle. I'll make up my mind to get over this whole stupid job thing (being rejected by the rent-a-car fuckheads) and I'll just find something else to do. Then I actually make the effort to look online or check out the newspaper for possible leads. Upon looking, I find the following things:
1. Banking positions, which I have already determined to be not suitable because they don't pay more than $9/hr and I would end up being bored enough to kill myself.
2. Retail positions. Again, shit pay and even shittier hours. If I earned an f-ing college degree, why should I have to settle for being a manager at Walgreen's?
3. Administrative assistant. Out of the jobs that don't require you to have prior experience, they require you to be proficient in Excel. Which I am not. Additionally, my month long stint and intern-then-office manager made me realize that I am not cut out to be anyone's damn secretary. Get your own fucking coffee. And send your own damn faxes, while you're at it. If you can't get into your head by now that you have to dial "9" first, you have no right to yell at me about not getting your stupid database together quickly enough. I might have had it done faster if I didn't have to keep sending your stupid faxes.
4. Restaurant anything. Riiiiiggghhht. As stupid as it sounds, I enjoyed destroying my only restaurant reference, thank you very much.
5. Data entry. I'd be shocked if I can still type more than 25 words a minute. And don't even think about asking me to not look at the keys.
6. Receptionist. Might be my best bet at this point...very few positions with benefits.
7. Direct marketing/telemarketing/sales/"financial advising." In other words, big f-ing scams intended to draw in poor suckers like me and force them to scam other poor suckers like me out of their money.
Everything else requires a license that I don't have or a degree that I wasn't apparently smart enough to major in. So after I look at all these jobs that won't do me any good, I get pissed and frustrated and angry at everything and everyone (but mostly myself). Then I go to sleep or watch tv or go to rehearsal...anything that keeps me from crying. Then there will be some random moment of the day when I decide to drag myself out of this mess...and it starts all over again.
So I'm very bored, very tired, and very stressed out. Except when I'm at rehearsal. I'm actually a normal functioning human being at rehearsal, and then I come home.
I started having dreams about airplanes again. Well, I guess I can't say they're about airplanes because I never get to the f-ing plane. I'm always in the middle of somthing, looking at the clock and realizing that I need to be at the airport in like half an hour or I'll miss the plane. I had dreams like this all the time last year. They mean something to the effect of the stress that I'm feeling with deadlines and things. I think that's what they mean. I remember looking up the meaning last year but now I can't find it. Anyway, I know I'm realy starting to freak out if I'm having the airplane dreams. But I don't know how to fix it.
I better try to get some sleep. The last thing I need on top of everything is to become a flippin' insomniac.
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