My Twenty-Something Quasi-Soap

A few years back, when I finally realized that I really am mentally capable of raising a child someday, I decided that I would want to have boys instead of girls. I figure I could deal with the noise and the stuff getting broken all the time and endless hours spent at sporting events. Hell, if I survived over 10 years of my sister's softball games, I can survive other youth sports. As long as it's not hockey, lacrosse, or wrestling. Hockey promotes bad sportsmanship, lacrosse is essentially hockey without the ice, and wrestling promotes anorexia and other unhealthy weight loss/gain techniques. I digress. If anything, I want to have boys because it would be a challenge. And a fun one, at that. And boys are low maintenance: they can pee standing up (so I don't have to spend years lining toilet seats with paper), they wear their hair short (no fights with brushes and combs and barettes and all that nonsense), and they like action figures. Yup, low maintenance. Now, don't g...

My beloved Scarlet Knights fell to Arizona State in the Insight Bowl. And I totally missed the whole thing, working at the f&#%@! mall till 1 in the morning. I feel guilty...like if I was actually watching the game on tv, Rutgers might have won its first bowl game in school history. Well, there's always next year. Time for bed...more info to come later today about my interview and the possibility of leaving the retail game again. BTW, still loving my new lappy. It so ridiculously freaking sweet that I still can't believe it's all mine. G'nite!

I've been multi-tasking on the internet today, just doing whatever pops into my head at that particular moment. So I'd figured I'd fashion today's blog the same way...I'll just pop in here and there with random thoughts and whatever. 10:58am - digging through old UPS slips to track a package. Have sinking feeling that package in question was not sent via UPS overnight. By no fault of my own, mind you...I send it how they tell me to send it. 11:18am - finally sent e-mail after hearing all about one of the guys' Christmas. Good thing this week is my last week here...Charlie's the only entertaining one out of the bunch, and tomorrow's his last day. 11:20am - Wondering whether it's worth it to water the poinsettias on my desk. They're as good as dead, aren't they? Poor, poor poinsettias. 11:26am - Reply e-mail: "Please include all the details of the package." Apparently I have to type everything out...sending the tracking umber and a l...

I'm typing this blog from the comfort of the couch in my parents' family room. On my. Brand Spanking New. Powerbook G4. Laptop. 80 gig hard drive. 1 gig of RAM. CD and DVD-ROM drive. 15" screen. Backlit keyboard. Wireless enabled. And. It's. All. Mine. Dude, this is way better than a Tivo. Soooo wayyyy better than a Tivo. Did I mention that I got a new printer too? A printer that does everything but make coffee in the morning? Feel free to slap me. I need all the reality I can get. But this is real. I have a new computer and a printer, and I totally didn't ask for either. Which is awesome. Ok, yeah, it was on my Amazon wish list, but it was with the caveat that I didn't actually expect to get a new computer! Other gifts included (yeah, there was more stuff): -pink Timberland boots -2 DVD's from my sister -an oven mitt and recipe cards from mom -Mary Kay makeup from my aunt & uncle (my aunt's a Mary Kay lady) ummmm..... -a USB memory stick from dadd...

Deathly quiet at the office today after a barrage of phone calls earlier. Now we're just waiting for the party to start, which will probably be lame. But as long as I get my timecard signed by the end of the day, I really don't care. Besides, I've already scored a box of Lindor truffles. Mmmmm....Lindor truffles. I guess I'm blogging out of boredom again. Which sucks, because I could have signed off for the holidays with my letter to Santa and everything. But I need something to do. So I am here. The strike is over. I guess Santa came to NYC a bit early with my first wish. Which is proof that it pays to still believe in Santa Claus. I managed to get some type cold/bug from my roomates despite my good hygiene practices. Drat. On top of that, I'll be working at the mall tonight. Closing shift. My goal is to be out of there no later than 1:30am. If it means I have to yell and scream at the newbies and delegate responsibilities, so be it. I'll be a manager for a nig...

So for those of you who don't know, I am a Yankees fan by default. "By default" meaning I live in the tri-state area, I never really liked the Mets, and Derek Jeter has one of the cutest butts on the face of the planet. Oh, and they used to play pretty decent baseball too. We'll see what happens in '06. But I must say that I miss the Yankees of years past who would kick your ass and have fun doing it. And look amazing at the same time. What can I say, I can't resist the pinstripes! I digress. A part of being a Yankees fan is hating the Boston Red Sox with every single fiber of my being. I dislike the BoSox so much that I took to calling them all "dirty hippies." The whole hippie thing was solely based on Johnny Damon. I mean, ewwwww. The stringy hair, the scruffy beard...it was a disaster. And Pedro Martinez's jheri curl?!? I'm not even going there. I digress again. Sorry for the digressions, I'm just really excited. The Yankees just pick...

I neglected to tell you all about how RutgersChristmas went. In its own way, as usual, the party was a success. We had a Leaning Table of Booze that was pretty much decimated by the end of the night, an entire pound of spinach salad that went untouched (there were communications about whether or not it was ready), no one puked anywhere, and there were only a few stray cigarette butts that needed to be picked out of the yard the next day. Yeah, it was a pretty decent shindig. But I was sooooo glad when it was over. I spent the night playing hostess/librarian. "Librarian" meaning I was shushing people left and right in order to keep our downstairs neighbors from wanting to kill us. Or call the cops. But everyone pretty much kept their cool, and there was very little drama, and we all had fun. It will be a long time before we throw a party in our casa again. We got lucky this time around...no one broke or destroyed anything. But then again, Andre wants to buy his own keg when th...

Don't ever ask me to take care of a plant, unless it it a no-maintenance plant. Like a cactus. I am completely inept in the art of plant care, as can be seen by the nearly-dead poinsettias all over the office. And the Christmas tree (yes, in our house it's still a Christmas tree, dammit) isn't doing so hot either. We keep forgetting to water it. You know the Charlie Brown tree that rains needles every time it's touched? Yeah, it's like that. To review: Me + plants that require watering = dead plants. That is all.

Is it really the end of the year already? Well, I do have another week or so before I decide to put together a Year in Review blog. If I feel like it. But today I want to talk about something else. Dude, I am so glad I don't work in NYC right now. For you readers outside of the tri-state area who might now know what's going on, let me fill you in. The MTA has gone on strike. That means that all of the buses and subways that operate within New York City are not running. At all. I haven't recieved any news from anyone who's been directly affected yet, but I assure you that the Big Apple is one gigantic mess right now. Now, as someone who tends to lean to the left as far as my beliefs go (notice the subtle understatement), you'd think that I'd be behind the union 100%. They work hard, and the Man doesn't want to give them the money that they deserve for keeping the Center of the Universe running around the clock. And normally, in a situation of a strike, I do r...

That's what happened when my "Create Post" page popped up on the screen. I was all ready to type some amazingly witty or highly lamentable title for today, but the phone rang. I woke up this morning...no, I'll start with last night. Got home from work, chatted with one of the roomies for a while, and finally got to work on getting my room cleaned once and for all. Everything needs to be ready for RutgersChristmas on Saturday. So I'm cleaning and making a shopping list and doing my thing. Then 4 o'clock rolls around: time to call in to the mall and see if I have to go in. I hate call-in shifts. If I had known that they would have been a possibility, I wouldn't have accepted the job there. Call-in shifts don't allow you to make any plans. But then again, every time I had called in, they didn't need me. Last night proved to be the exception, of course, because I had 80 bajillion way-more-important things to do ! But I trudged in anyway, sold giftset...

Remember that episode of The Simpsons when Ralph Wiggum fell in love with Lisa (because she gave him a valentine) and he thought she was his girlfriend? And then eventually Lisa freaked out and told Ralph the truth, on the Krusty show nonetheless, and all of Springfield got to witness it on TV. The next day, Bart keeps playing the tape over and over again, pausing it at the exact moment that we see poor Ralph's heart shatter into pieces. It's like that right now. I hate it when the truth hurts. I hate being the rejector. It like someone's heart was put out there on a platter, gift-wrapped and shiny, not unlike a situation not too long ago . And what did I do? I smashed it. Not intentionally, but I did. I am a horrible person. Ok, I'm not a horrible person. I had to tell the truth. If someone loves you but you don't love them back, you have to tell the truth. I've just saved thousands of dollars in therapy that would have been spent in the future. I did what I h...

I guess I've hit a boring few weeks in my life...nothing dramatic or exciting to post about. So let's talk about pointless and silly things for a while, shall we? The zipper on my coat got stuck this morning, resulting in my standing in my kitchen for 5 minutes desperately trying to wrestle it loose. Knowing I was supposed to be at work in 10 minutes, I stopped at Dunkin' Donuts anyway. Coffee is important. Have you ever tried to match an outfit to a particular piece of makeup? Ok, so I was at Bloomingdale's the other night (because I'm the masochistic type who will go into stores that I can't afford to shop in) and browsed the MAC counter and found this totally awesome glitter eye liner. It sounds tacky, but it's actually really sweet. And only $15. (When's the last time you were able to find something you like at Bloomie's for only 15 bucks?) So now I have coolest eye liner ever and eyeshadow to match (already at home), but no cute outfit to comple...

I was deeply saddened today when my new favorite radio station, Jack FM , played a Christmas song today. Well, it wasn't so bad because it was by B.B. King, but it was a Christmas song nonetheless. I had been hoping that Best Station Ever wouldn't get into the holiday spirit so that it would instead serve as a place for anyone who might already be Christmas-ed out. Anyway... We now have our apartment Christmas tree, but it isn't decorated. We're having some artistic differences. See, I want to have color lights on the tree. Andre wants white lights. I think white lights are boring, they wash out the tree, and they make me think of National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation. Andre thinks color lights are "tacky." *Gasp* Oh no he didn't!! So I had to let him know that I've always that color lights on my family tree at home and it has never ever ever looked "tacky." He refused to budge. So instead of getting into a brawl at Target, I said that I...

Yesterday I spent the bulk of my time at the office decorating the tree. The fake, pre-lit tree that I also has to assemble myself. I hate fake christmas trees. In other news, the casa boys (aka the boys that i live with) are planning on getting our tree the old fashioned way this weekend. We're going to a tree farm and cutting it down ourselves. Good times should be had by all...I'll try and post pics. Other than that...not much to report. I'm tired, bored and hungry. And there's no one in the office today. No one important, I mean. Blargh. Off to go find other stuff to do.

Yep, that's what I want to do. I want to get off of work, take a nap, then get up and go shopping. And buy lots of nice stuff. Or just a few nice things. Some decent pants for work would be nice. A few sweaters, a cute blazer, two or three winter skirts/dresses. Oh, and shoes. Some really hot brown boots. I should have more brown shoes. And then I'll buy lots of socks, some driving gloves, a hot pair of jeans, and a festive outfit for Rutgers-Christmas. Hmmm.... Some winter sunglasses (for sunset drives and snow glare), a new push up bra from Victoria's Secret (the Very Sexy demi w/o padding), a pair of Timberland boots, the new DDR game for GameCube (because I'm a dork), some awesome curtains my mom found in the Pottery Barn Teen catalogue, a new rug for my room, a drying rack for my sweaters... I guess that's all the practical and necessary stuff right there. Or my wish list for this Christmas. *sigh* Wicked headache, phone won't stop ringing, and there's ...

So quoteth Forrest Gump. Except Forrest said "she was gone" because he was talking about Jenny. The sentiment still remains the same. It's all over. Officially over with actual closure and everything. And I'm realizing that I never really explained what was going on in the first place. I didn't want to jinx it. But now that it's over... Ok, if you hadn't figured it out, Phil and I were dating again for a few months. Then we hit a rough spot, got over it, went to Boston, and then we broke up. As you all have been witness to this week. And that's the long story short version of it. Andre took to to the bar so I could drink and sing karaoke and feel better about being single. I drank, I sang, I got hit on by lesbians...all in all just another random night in my life. Why is it only Thursday? I'm debating whether or not I: a) Want to go see the midnight show of Harry Potter 4. b) Will actually be able to get to the show in time considering that I have ...

D isclaimer: So have you ever been in a situation where two people get into an argument and you just happen to be in the room when it starts? You're not sure whether you should sneak out as quietly as you can or give a little cough so that it's known that you're still there. And you're uncomfortable as hell hearing everything, but you want to know what all the fuss is about? I realize that that's what it's been like for anyone reading this blog over the past week or so, especially in the past 2 days. I apologize to the readers for airing out all my iss in the blog. But that's what blogs are for. And that's why my blog is so aptly titled. So, if you're not interested in reading more of my side of an argument (and I'd be surprised if anyone still cares at this point, especially the target of all of this vitriol), please come back for the next post. Anyone who reads past this point has been appropriately warned. I figured since I've already open...

So I may have been a little harsh in my last post. But I don't regret what I said. I was just scraping the surface. My last rant didn't have so much to do with my feminist stance (or possible regression from feminism) as it was about my frustration with things in general. I mean, seriously - how can you tell someone that you have "strong feelings" for them and then not call, write or care for nine days? Yes, I'm perfectly aware that phones dial out too and computers are perfectly capable of sending e-mails. But, as someone once close to me said, "actions speak louder than words." Instead of being the one to initiate things all the time, I chose to see what action was taken from the other side...and there was no response until I decided to write a bunch of stuff in my blog. You gotta love technology. Hey, I know that everyone is entitled to have their retrospective moments. Anyone who reads this regularly has had to deal with my own such moments on a regu...

I thought for a bit before pulling out my tiny little notebook and writing something. And in the few seconds that it took for me to mentally prepare myself to access the emotional in-box...well, I almost started crying right there at my desk. That would have been bad. Randomly bursting into tears at work is never a good thing. Hence, no poetry yet. But I'm sure there will be lots to write about. The silence has returned. I believe it shall be permanent. On my end at least. I'm tired of fighting for something only to turn around a week or two later and wonder what the hell I was fighting for. Since I have been burdened with the fact that I am a highly intelligent female (in a world where intelligent guys marry their less intelligent secretaries), I realized this has turned into a mind game. Reverse Telephone Chicken. 9 days and counting. And I'm not even thinking about dialing. So I pay for my own damn gas money and my own hotel room. *gasp* I'm a evil feminist because I...

I've gone from not coming up with the words to put into poetry to being afraid of what might happen when I finally put that pen to the paper. It's been a while since I've written anything substantial. Anything at all, really. Maybe there's been a line here or a phrase there that actually gets to a scrap of paper only to be lost in the black hole that is my still undecorated room. I do realize that I've been a poet for a while. And while most of my stuff may very well be crap, there's something good that pops up every once in a while. I'm way overdue. There's been too much stuff building up since...geez - I haven't really written anything since college. January 2004. And that was a good one, that last poem. I thought that I hadn't been writing because I wasn't hearing or reading poetry anymore. I used to go to a weekly poetry group on campus a lot. You'll hear something that clicks with you or sparks something and then you go off of that ...

12:40 on the sloooowwwwest Friday ever. I'm so bored and exhausted that I can't even read the New York Times. Yea, I'm exhausted. While I'm not as emotionally drained as I was when I was working at MoMIS, I'm still tired. You try working 3 jobs and see how you like it. The road trip to Boston went all right...I was conveniently attacked by one of those colds where you're not completely assed out and worthless, but you still feel crappy enough to not want to do anything. So instead of trying to see as much of the city as possible, we went to the open house in the morning, had lunch, took a nap (a nap!), saw Jarhead (amazing movie, by the way. But then again, there are movie theaters back here at home), went out to a few bars with one of Phil's buddies from school, and drove home the next day. Next time I have to take a weekend trip up to Boston, I'm taking the train. The traffic was that atrocious. I'm talking 6 hours each way on a trip that Mapque...

At this point, I really should just give up and start reading my book. I have been here since 9am and I have nothing to do. Except mail out the timesheets and pick up the mail. All of which takes 7-10 minutes. Not even. The reason that I feel so insecure about actually taking my book out of my bag and reading is that it totally shows everyone that I have absolutely nothing to do. I'm getting paid to read. But if I sit at the computer doing nothing...I don't know. Somewhere there's some twisted logic in my head that makes it seem like doing Yahoo! crossword puzzles looks more productive than reading a book. Blogging is even better. It adds the keyboard sound effect that says, "I'm busy typing up some important report or e-mail!" In actuality, I'm accomplishing nothing. I could do some filing right now, but I'll save it for next week. The "to be filed" box isn't quite full yet. What's really driving me insane is that I have 20 bajillion...

Let's see what's been going on in my life so far this week... -Had the meeting about what to do with the afterschool program. At this point, the curriculum has been thrown out the window. I am officially an overpaid babysitter. Grrr. -Went to another band competition with Andre on Sunday...I was so sleep deprived by mid-afternoon that I was struck with the maniacal idea of actually coming back to the competition later in the evening to see my old high school perform. Fortunately, my car battery died and prevented me from heading back up north. That's divine intervention if I've ever experienced it. Oh, and my high school won the state championship. (Again!) -Things are getting interesting on "The Real World: Bayshore Edition" (aka life in Casa de Crazy). Can't go into to much detail, but there are whispers in the air of someone possibly being "voted off the island" in the near future. Stay tuned. -Good thing I got my car fixed on Monday because I...

...till I am done with work for the week. I'm very much in an "I don't wanna" mood today. All I want to do is go home and get back in my bed and go to sleep. Yes, being sleepy is my own fault because I insisted on staying up to watch "Family Guy" and then "Squidbillies" (which is freaking hilarious, by the way), and then staying up for another hour reading I Am Charlotte Simmons . Which is an interesting book. I can't wait to see how it ends, but I'm getting tired of the characters. There's not a single person in there who I really like. Or someone to cheer for. Come to think of it, all of the characters are pretty cliched (apologies for lack of proper accentation) and underdeveloped. There's the snotty prep school roommate (who's also a bulimic, alcoholic hoe-bag), the strikingly handsome frat boy (drunk on his own power; clumsily written as somewhat more mature and evolved as his brothers...or is he?), the dumb jock (who strug...

The silence was quickly shattered and suspended animation sped up to real time again. All is well in that department. And the majority of you still have no clue what I've been talking about so cryptically for nearly 2 months. Mwah-hah-hah-hah-hah!!! Maybe you'll figure it out. Or keep reading every new post until I finally decide to tell you what's going on. Hey, I have to keep all 12 of you reading somehow, right? OK, 12 was a generous number. I meant 5. Onward! Today I was originally going to do a "This Week in the News" blog. There's so much to talk about: Harriet Miers, Hurricane Wilma, the Iraq death toll reaching 2000, Walmart's ideas for revamping their health benefits... Most of which would lead to me ranting incoherently about political stuff. And I didn't feel like doing that. So I thought I'd talk about celebrity gossip. Mainly this whole story about Janet Jackson having a daughter that no one's known about for 18 years. Geez louisey...

And by now you're all thinking that I've completely gone off the deep end. I haven't. Yet. I think I'll save the final plunge into utter insanity for when I'm menopausal so I can actually get away with acting like I've completely lost my mind. Or I'll just wait till I'm in my 70's. Then we can just chalk it up to senility. Although, my grandmother likes to act like she's not all there sometimes, and she's not quite 70 yet. But she got away with asking my mother, at the breakfast table, in front of MY ENTIRE FAMILY, if I wore panties. Oh, I am sooo not kidding. There's like, (...counting...) 14 people in our house (for my sister's high school graduation, of all things) and we're all in and around the kitchen for breakfast. Everybody's just eating and chatting and whatever, when all of a sudden, my grandmother asks my mom, "Does Amber wear panties?" *cue clattering flatware, people pausing mid-bite, and the oh-so-impo...

This time it's that loaded silence that holds the future. When you've put yourself out there, completely stripped of fancy semantics and pseudo-intellectual banter, and you've said all that you felt. Not what you thought . What you felt . Whatever was left inside when you managed to shut down your brain for a few precious moments and just let your heart talk. You barely even know what you're saying as it all comes out, but you know that it's all real and pure and completely you. So it's out there. Hanging in silence. Waiting to be taken for what it's worth, whatever it may or may not be worth by now. It goes way deeper than having your heart on your sleeve or your emotions written on your face. Those words, those feelings, those anti-thoughts are all a piece of yourself that you laid out on the table. The presentation may not have been Martha-worthy, but you put it out there nonetheless. And now you wait in those seconds of silence. The seconds that become m...

I've been dealing with the silence of things today. Like the complete and total silence of this damned office except for the sound of this keyboard. The phone has not rang in almost 2 hours. There have been no faxes. Everybody's been plugging away at their desks in the back. So I read a whole bunch of my previous posts. In silence. Well, I did let out the occasional chuckle here and there. Some of the things I've said over the years have been pretty damn funny, if you ask me. The other silence...it's hard to explain. It's that uncomfortable silence you feel in the pit of your stomach that signals the beginning of the end of something. That silence that speaks volumes as two minds chatter incessantly and say absolutely nothing. The silence that you wait in, knowing the inevitable is coming as you desperately think of ways to fix what's been broken. Then there's the sickening silence you give yourself when you ask if it's worth fixing, even worth fighting ...

An anonymous commenter (see comment from previous post) obviously doesn't get it. The majority of the people who were affected by Katrina are of that "given ethnic background" that you oh-so-eloquently speak of. Yes, I am talking about Black folks. I'm not afraid to say it...why are you? The affirmative action laws being lifted will allow federally funded contractors to conveniently hire whoever the hell they want from wherever the hell they want and not suffer any consequences for it if they just happen to have an all-white crew of people re-building the Ninth Ward. And you have the nerve to say to me, "That's racism, sister" if the affirmative action laws stay in effect? I'm gonna set the record straight. I love Blogger. It allows me to say whatever I want. I have the comments function on so you all can say whatever you want. Being as such, I enjoy the right that I have to say the following to said anonymous person who was obviously too chicken to...

I realized the other day that I had not yet expressed any of my thoughts or feelings about a lot of the things happening in the country and around the world lately. It's not that I've been so self-absorbed in the craziness that has been my life lately. I just haven't had the time or energy to really sit here and write about it. I'm at work. The boss is at a conference today and tomorrow. Hence, I find myself with little to do and 2 1/2 hours left for the day. I ususally don't have a lot to do at work. So I've been reading the New York Times online. A lot. While it's been refreshing to read a real newspaper regularly again, I also now bear the burden of knowing all that's going on in the world. Well, it's time to unload. You've been warned. I remember talking to my friends the night before Hurricane Katrina struck the Gulf Coast about how massive and strangely beautiful the storm was on the radar. It was a force to be reckoned with, but how could ...

Ok. Now we can bust out the Cristal and confetti. I am no longer a pawn of MoMIS! Yessssssssss!!!!!!! (a la Napoleon Dynamite) Now I'm juggling a theater assistant teaching gig, a temporary receptionist/admin assistant gig, and a gig at Bath and Body Works. Once again, life is crazy at 100 miles an hour and I'm loving every minute of it. Because I'm not at MoMIS anymore. It's kinda funny how two weeks ago my life was practically in shambles (except for one awesome thing that keeps getting better) and all of a sudden everything's falling into place. Ok, so I'm working three jobs and probably making less money than I was before, but I'm fine with that. I'm so happy right now that I don't care. I can't remember the last time I felt so good about myself. Oh! Did I ever mention that I've decided to go back to school? I want to get my Master's degree in Theater Education. I'm applying to Emerson (in Boston) and NYU for Fall '06. I'...

no progress. Well, I can't really say that. I've actually done some pretty major things since post 100. But right now, I just feel stuck. Really really stuck. I have been nabbed by the Thought Police and must either face assimilation or exile. Exile would mean no money. And rent is still due whether or not I have a job. Needless to say, there has been lots of panic going on in my poor little head. I guess you could say that I'm frozen by fear at this point. I need to find a job that will pay me enough money to survive and not make me want to kill myself. Sounds simple enough, but I'm under the gun here. *sigh* I thought I was going to have the energy to get into al of the details but I've already vented to someone and he gave me some good advice and ideas and whatnot. Now if I can just get my brain to start working enough to actually make things happen, that would be great. So this 200th post lacks the pomp and stuff of the 100th post . Sorry. We'll save the co...

My away message reads as such: "How you know it's time to find a new job: You wake up in the morning and you try to think of ways to knock yourself out, therefore resulting in a concussion that would render you unable go into work. Contemplating self-inflicted head trauma is never a good thing." Oh, if I had the time and the energy to tell you all how bad it's been at MoMIS. It's 1984 meets Office Space meets high school. And if you haven't read 1984 by George Orwell, you absolutely must do so. The worst part is that all of the co-workers that I trusted have either left the company or switched to different schedules. So now I'm all alone in a place where I have to be constantly paranoid and have no one to kvetch with. And then there's the daily psychological warfare that goes on between management and myself. Let's just say that I am sending out my resume to a few temp agencies before the week is over. I don't even care if I don't have i...

So I had to take Andre to the airport today (for his vacation in Texas with his fam), and we're sitting in the food court finishing up our lunch. All of a sudden, I see someone familiar walk past the food court. I thought, 'No, it's my eyes playing tricks on me.' Then he walked closer to the food court, and I knew it was him for certain. My ex-boyfriend from high school. Oh. my. gawd! Ok, it was a totally cool thing to see him because we remained friends after the breakup and we lost contact a few years ago. (You know, cell phone numbers change, e-mails change, IM names changes, etc.) And I always thought about him every now and then and wondered what he was up to and if he was doing ok down in Florida and all that kind of stuff. And suddenly, in Newark Airport, I run into him after not seeing him for like 3 years. Freaky, huh? Since his flight was delayed, we had some time to catch up and chat and stuff, and I was so glad to find out that he's doing well. Now I...

And apparently my compy doesn't like to post entire blogs either.

So my computer is kind of retarded and doesn't show me exactly how many posts I have unless I log in on a PC. Or maybe it doens't like my browser. Anyway,

So the good news is that this blog comes to all of you from my brand new apartment. My apartment, also known as Casa de Crap, still has some work to be done on it. Hence the name Casa de Crap. But it's really not all that bad. I just love to exaggerate. The bad news is that I'm essentially in the same place that I was at a year ago: quickly burning out at MoMIS and struggling to not freak out in the manner that I did at the Cheesecake Factory last year. The good thing is that I know that I have a psychologically legit condition. But the only way for me to get any better at this point is to find a new job. I'm working on it. Time to put my laundromat-fresh clothes away, eat some dinner, and enjoy some popcorn and Mike's Cranberry lemonade with a few DVD's. Sad, but true. This is what corporate burnouts do on Friday nights.

So I'm officially back on the job market. Started looking at postings and stuff today. Ready to get the hell out of MoMIS....that place feels more like high school every day. I've been thinking a lot about becoming a teacher. But then I'm not so sure. I wish I could have my AD job with Shoestring as a full time job with benefits. Then I'd be the happiest person in the world. But alas, 'tis not to be so. Still blogging from the cafe....cable guy's coming on Tuesday to get the phone/cable/internet hooked up. Yay. The hardest part for me at this point is to try to stay happy. When I go to work at a job I hate for 10 hours a day, it's hard to be happy about anything. Except when I leave on Wednesday nights and know that I don't have to be back there for 3 whole days. Once again, this growing up crap is never easy. Especially when I realize that I really haven't accomplished much since graduating except moving out. Even the big things don't seem as bi...

Ok, that was a stupid title. Here I am, in the internet cafe around the corner from my new apartment. Ah, that's such a lovely thing to say that I must say it again. My new apartment. Tee hee hee hee hee hee!!!!! After getting everything moved in, well, things are still kinda crazy. Half of our outlets, including the dishwasher, don't work. And we don't have blinds on the windows. And we only have 2 air conditioners. But I love my new digs. Select readers will be recieving change of address cards...eventually. Right now we're busy getting used to our new town and new commutes and such. I no longer have my evil soap opera star hairdo. I got all my hair hacked off on Friday. I think I look like a recovering chemo patient, but everyone says it looks really good. So I must be exaggerating. I'm not bald. I just have to keep telling myself that. I am not bald. Hmm...what else is new? Not much and everything at the same time. The company I work for was just bought out in a...

Once again, every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end. Later today I'll be moving out. It doesn't seem real. But with all the drama that I've been through over the past month, nothing seems real anymore. I went to the bar tonight with some of my co-workers. It was pretty cool. Blogging will be suspended yet again due to no internet access when I get to the new place. But no worries, dear readers, I'll have my cable modem access back up and running in a few weeks and I'll have all sorts of stories to tell about my new independent life. I listened to "Independent Women" by Destiny's Child with a whole new sense of awareness today. But for now, I will finish the book I've been reading and sleep for one last night in the place I called home for the past 6 years. It's a strange feeling. Wish me luck everyone! This day has been a long time coming, and for once I'll need all the good wishes/thoughts/prayers that anyone can send...

My mom e-mailed me last night and gave me the closest thing to a blessing that she could manage regarding the whole moving out issue. She told me that if things ever get too hard I can always come home, and that I shouldn't be too proud or hardheaded to ask for help. It made me cry. June has been a crazy month. Too much tears and drama. It's almost as bad as sophomore year crammed into two weeks. The year is half over. Here's hoping for a good six months.

Saturday cannot come fast enough. My mother is making my life hell. But I'm speaking to my dad again. My sister continues to play both sides of the fence. I don't blame her. It's not fair for her to pick sides and I don't want her to. Life fer hor has been crazy ever since she got back from school. I haven't packed anything yet. Just a few more days and I will finally be independent. Which means I will have done what my blog description says I have been struggling to do. No worries, I won't stop blogging. I just need to change the description. Dinner, then bed. It's been a long day.

So last week I finally broke the news to my mom that I'm moving out. Let's just say that she's not all that happy about it. Whatever. If anything, I'm glad that I waited till the last minute to tell her so that she can only try to make me miserable for two weeks as opposed to two months. I talked to some of my friends about it, and everyone is in agreement that my mom just doesn't want me to leave. Which I can understand. I'm the oldest child, and declaring total independence is a big deal. So of course she's going to say stuff to try to break my confidence and make me think that I really can't do this so I'll punk out and stay home. I repeat: Whatever. Checked out the new digs yesterday, and it's pretty sweet. We're going to have a lot of fun once we get everything furnished and decorated and whatnot. But first, I have to focus on getting packed up and out of this house. But this time, I'm moving everything . Not just the stuff I need to...