My Twenty-Something Quasi-Soap

wow....well, it's been a while, hasn't it? so much crazy stuff happeining, so little energy to write about it all. ok...hmmmm....i did my monologue last week for my acting class. i guess it went pretty well, but i could have done a lot better. what i could have done, i don't really know, but i know it could be better. i wasn't nervous or anything. i just know that as soon as i was walking back to my seat, i was saying "well, that sucked." i've been having trouble really feeling the character and the monologue....my character is a widowed 50 year old with 2 children. i, obviously, am not. but when i thought more about it, i realized that i didn't really have to think about acting 50 years old. i just had to get the essence of the monologue across to the audience. but i didn't even do that very well. christian said that i needed to be louder, and that i was holding stuff back. i guess she's right. when i was making a collage about the monologue a...

ahhh....what a weekend. what a wonderfully amazing weekend. i did absolutely nothing. seriously. but let me back up to friday first. there was this halloween party going on at 10 buffa (rutgers band-speak for a house notorious for excellent parties), and we were definetly going to be there. but, we needed costumes. so we decided that liz and i were going to be hookers and andre was going to be our pimp. got some fishnet stockings, and we were set. andre was dressed in black with liz's sunglasses, liz had a black tank top and leopard print skirt with fishnet stockings, and i had my black suede halter top with denim daisy dukes and fishnets. we looked awesome as hell, and made an awesome entrance. partied our butts off, slept over, and came back to the dorms. we had also been invited to another halloween party last night, but i decided not to go. so liz and andre went to long branch and i stayed in my room. and did absolutely nothing. i mean nothing. i sat and watched tv all day long...

grrrr....can't seem to get my archives to work....damn computers. well, it's really not something that has to get done tonight, like my expos paper. i had all day today to work on it. and i have nothing done. not a single word saved on my lovely little word processor. i did a bunch of other stuff...went to class, read the paper, got a kick-ass e-mail from rachel, started re-organizing my mp3's, had a meeting with my academic advisor, made a schedule for next semester, watched cartoons for 2 hours, ate dinner, went through some ex-boyfriend drama, watched jeopardy and millionaire, went to andre's to deconstruct the party palace, did dishes (and got some serious dishpan hands), brought my stereo back to my room, ate again, checked my e-mail again, and now i'm writing yet another pointless blog. and i have a paper due in 11 hours. but i can't think of what to write. my brain has shut down and refused to function. i'm really getting mad, too. i was supposed to f...

nekkid, nekkid, nekkid! yes, i said nekkid. no, not naked, but n-e-k-k-i-d. so let me explain. i saw this awesome play called "other people" and it was really cool. but there were nekkid guys in it. i didn't think that it would bother me. it didn't really, i was just a bit shocked. but otherwise the play was really cool. i'm hoping that i can do a monologue from that play, cuz the monologues in that show are sooo cool. i realized why i want to act someday. i watch movies and plays and i wonder how i could do it differently or better. just to have a chance to have someone watch me and say, "wow, that was soo freakin cool!" that's why i want to be an actress. i used to say to myself that i would win the academy award for best actress in the year 2009. i still don't know if it will happen, but you never know. i mean, if someone told me 2 years ago that i'd be here at rutgers, i wouldn't have believed them. i would have laughed hysterically. ...

ok, here's a reason why i am one of the most pathetic people on the face of the earth. i have one of the biggest crushes on a pop star. now don't fear dearies, i'm not drooling over some n*sync guy. oh no. my tastes are much more refined. a bit foreign, if you will. so who am i talking about? craig david. he's this up and coming british pop star who released his album here in the US a few months ago. and he's soooooo hot. i mean really hot. i mean, this guy is so gorgeous that i've completely forgotten about lenny kravitz. and i used to be all about lenny. he's practically forty and i wanted to have his babies. but i'm done with him. it's all about craig now. he's hot, he has a sexy accent, he's hot, he can sing, he's hot, he's 20, and did i forget to mention that he's so incredibly amazingly gorgeously hot?!? *sigh* my roomate thinks i'm nutty. i think i might have to agree with her. see, i have this little shrine to all of m...

....and the sun don't seem to shine/ and the trees ain't tall/ got the summertime blues/ in the middle of fall... that's from one of my favorite songs by the Tony Rich Project called "Missin' You." it's one of those ridiculously melodic love songs that just gets stuck in your head...a song you listen to when you've just been dumped and you need a good cry so you put it on and bawl your eyes out. but i haven't been dumped. but i still get teary when i hear it...i guess it kinda reminds me of someone i knew a long time ago and i don't talk to anymore because some weird stuff went down between us. and it seems like i'm a big fan of run-on sentences today. oh well, it's not english class. ha ha....i was just talking about that with my dad a little while ago. i was mentioning to him that someone had asked me why i just don't go ahead and major in english because i'm writing stuff all the time. majoring in english would be my first r...

stuff to say, stuff to say......too much to talk about this week...but i'm doing laundry so i've got tons o time. ok, so like, today in acting class we started off by working on our monologues. luckily mine's a bit short so i didn't have to work on cutting anything. then we had to go and recite a poem in front of the class. now, i did mine on wednesday so i could just go and get it over with. i'm glad i did, because Christian (our teacher) really worked hard on the 2 girls who went today. when i went, i guess i did ok because she didn't have me up there very long. but i had to say my poem like 3 times....i've got too much tension in my shoulders and i'm not speaking from my gut. so when i tried doing that, i locked my knees. and then i started twitching my fingers. so before i know it, i'm speaking from my chest, locking my knees, twitching my fingers, and the whole time i'm telling myself, "speak from you gut! bend your knees! and for the...

so i heard this really bad joke yesterday. ya wanna hear it? ok, here goes. "what's the difference between Afghanistan and Christmas?" "Christmas will be here in December." isn't that horrible? you know what else is horrible? my alarm clock didn't go off this morning. so I woke up at 8:30. 20 minutes after my acting class had started. i think the first twenty words i said this morning were "shit!" yup, that was all i said. and then i was at the mercy of the lovely RU bus system. sat for 10 minutes on college ave while some fat ass bus driver stood in front of the bus eating donuts. just standing there, munching away, acting like people don't have places to be. grrrrrr..... so class went ok, and then i had lunch and now i'm just sitting here talking about my day and talking to some of my boys. i'm always talking to my boys on instant messenger. but they're all boys that i know. i never talk to random guys on the internet.......

dammit....stupid computer strikes again, and a whole bunch of stuff that i had written disappears without you all getting to read it. *sigh* well, it was boring and mundane stuff anyway. so where did i leave off....ok. so i finished my second expos paper last night. added more analysis like she wanted me to, so i had better pass this one. i practically added another page to my paper, so now it's six instead of five. this has been the first time that i've ever easily written a six page paper. i hate writing papers. they are, hands down, the bane of my existence. i mean, yeah, i write all the time. i've been keeping this blog pretty well updated, and i write poetry all the time. but writing papers is different. i'm forced to try and explain what i think some author is trying to say. we analyze literature to death these days. example: last semester inone of my honors classes, i had to write a paper about the "spiritual or quasi-spiritual" quest in the Great Gatsb...

drama drama and more drama....*sigh*. i should be sleeping, but i am too stressed. but i don't know why i'm stressed. so i failed my expos paper....wanted to cry, but couldn't. too pissed to cry. if you only knew how hard i worked on that paper..... but that's not why i'm stressed ( i think). you know what i was thinking about tonight? i was thinking about the stupidest thing. i was thinking about how i never got to go to my prom in high school. isn't that pathetic? here i am, a sophomore in college, and i'm dwelling on why ididn't get to go to my prom. i easily could have gone, surely. but why in the hell would i get all dressed up to go to the prom by myself? yeah, by myself. i didn't have a date, and all of my friends already had dates. so i couldn't go with a group of friends. and with the way my school was, you did not just go to the prom by yourself. so i didn't go. i had no one to ask, and no one asked me. i think that's what my...

mmmmm.....easy mac....and now i'm about to watch star wars since we're doing a star wars show for marching band and i've never seen the original flicks. so my mommy's going to send me money and i'm going to get real food. yay! awww...a new hope. itsn't it cute? well, my buds are telling me to get the hell off the comp. and since i picked the movie, i had better watch it. ta for now, kids, and may the force be with you....hee hee hee.

and another monday morning awaits me after i type this and go to bed. what a weekend! we lost to UConn, which really sucks. i mean, really sucks. we sooo should have beat them and they beat us by a point. grrrr.....i hate football. so after the game, we were all really hungry. but there was nothing on campus that was open, so we had to resort to the meager supplies that andre had left in his kitchen. sure, there was lots of food there, but it all belonged to his roomates. so what did we eat? rice. that's it. big ass bowls of rice. yeah, we're really damn poor. but andre's got some cash coming in and i got my mommy to put some money in my bank account, so pretty soon we're all going grocery shopping and buying tons of food. yum.....real food. so what else was i going to talk about? oh yeah! I saw the weirdest movie tonight. have you ever seen Being John Malkovich? i suggest you do because it's really good even though it's weird as hell. i was glad that i took a 1...

and i'm back. geez, it's freezing in here. i'm in my dorm room. the windows don't close all the way for some strange reason, and they haven't turned on the heat yet. so i'm a bit frosty right now. i know there's no point in calling housing to fix the windows because by the time they do, the heat will be turned on and we'll be keeping the windows open anyway. another reason to love rutgers: they raised housing and tuition this semester. one of the reasons for raising housing costs: increased fuel prices. well, let's think about this one here. i would not be surprised if they had the thermostats cranked to about 90 degrees. the only way to keep from roasting your ass off is to keep the windows open. i mean, it could be 30 degrees and snowing outside and you gotta keep your window at least cracked. i never use my comforter in the winter because it's so warm. it's crazy. but now i'm freezing, which sucks because that means i'm gonna be co...

*sigh*....every day I am forced to add another name to the list of people who piss me off...have you ever been told that some big thing was going to happen, but you're not really sure if it actually will? so you wait until the last possible moment to start planning things for this event because you know how unpredictable the situation may be. and then you're given the false impression that the even will actually happen, so you sit with one of your best friends at his apartment and spend 7 hours downloading songs and making a cd so everything will be perfect for the event. you're both dead tired and entertaining guests, but you make the sacrifice anyway. you're doing it out of the kindness and goodness of your heart, and you even sacrifice the completeness of the cd project just so you can have it done for this event. finally, the cd is finished, and all that there is left to do is make the copies...tomorrow. you drag yourself back to your dorm at 12:30 in the morning an...

aaaaaaaaahhhhhhh! tried to change the window size and the damn computer erased all that i had written! everything about homework and boys and computers......all gone! Damn school computers! Yet another small taste of the RU Screw dearies...gotta love the RU screw. Dammit. And I forgot to tell someone my site address, so she probably won't see this till later. Great. *sigh* well, my loyal subjects--i mean, fans--i am off to the wonferful world of Expository Writing 101 where i get to ram my 5 page paper in my teacher's face and say, "eat that, you beeyotch! it's actually 5 pages long instead of four. eat it!!!" o tay, ta ta for now kiddies.

so i went an entire day without blogging...maybe that's good. yesterday, i watched the whole rememberance thingie on tv and finally broke down crying for the first time in a while. i guess you could say that i finally woke up to all the stuff that had been going on. it's kinda real now. well, not much else went on yesterday....went to band rehearsal and then chilled at andre's with my buds. woke up and went to breakfast, and now i'm going to see if i can go home and be with my family for a while...as much as they drove me nuts this summer, it would be nice to see them now. so this entry's a short one kids, but i'll see y'alls later. peace and pixy stix!

ok kids, take a deep breath, and let's talk about something normal and mundane like my daily travels. got up at 9am for a 9:50 psych class...got there 20 mins late....damn buses...sat in the back of the lecture hall on the floor, which allowed me to not pay al lot of attention to the lecture. the Dr. has this soothing mr. rogers voice that puts you to sleep. anyhoo, after class, went to the store for some drugs (i have a cold, sillies) and then it was off to Brower (rutgers-speak for one of the dining halls) for lunch. yummy....french fries and mandarin oranges. sat there a while to read the paper, then had to leave. one can only spend so much time in the dining hall before the smell gets to you. i was feeling pretty draggy, so i went to abp (rutgers-speak for au bon pain) for a mocha blast. i need the espresso to get me through expos and theater appreciation. sat some more, drank my liquid caffeine, then off to expos. after expos, theater appreciation. my professor is practically ...

"another day, another dollar, another war" a little bit of Jewel to open it up for today.... cries of war are in the air, and i have no idea what the hell to do about it. spent my entire expos class (rutgers-speak for Expository Writing 101) talking about this whole thing. one kid's ready to push the button himself, another kid's complaining that there aren't more countries helping us out, and then there's this kid who's 100% Palestinian. just the fact that he was not afraid to say that he was palestinan shows that he's got balls. he told us about how he got harassed by police officers and how his family isn't letting any of their women leave the house, fearing for their safety. i really felt for this kid. he shows no ill will toward this nation, and yet we're turning on him and other innocents who are just as shocked as we are. yeah, there were palestinians partying in the streets after this happened, and i hate them for it, but am i suppos...

stuffed myself full of kfc (mmmmm....chicken....) and now i'm watchin a movie. enjoying some lemonade....hee hee hee.....glad to be going to class tomorrow, even if i have to get up early in the morning. geez, what a day. at least we've got mtv back, and for once it's all videos all the time. then the videos got old, so we watched pop up brady bunch episodes (brady bunch + pop up video). how ironic that they're calling it the "un-real-a-thon"...they've been doing it all summer, and now it's actually kinda cool. i feel bad for tuning out so much and pretending that this all isn't real, but what am i supposed to do? watch endless replays and listen to the same questions with no answers all over again? hell no. i have to let this all sink in first. it's amazing to see all of the things that everyone has to say right now. everyone's running around quoting Nostradamus....scary shit. i've gotta look that guy up now, read more of it, make some...

went to the hospital to give blood and i had to actually sign up for an appointment. then i went back to the dorm, and i just got off the phone with a person from the hospital: they don't need any more blood. they said they'd call back in 4-6 weeks. isn't that crazy? i'm kinda glad cuz i was scared as hell do actually do it, but now i have to wait like a month. that gives me a long time to re-think. but i'll still be brave. so i'm sitting at the comp as always and my roomie sends me the mp3 of "like a prayer" by madonna. and i started cracking up because it was an inside joke as to why she sent it. even funnier: i already had it. ok, so to lighten up the mood, I'll tell the funny story behind this little song. I went to a Valentine's day party this year and got totally wasted on punch and jello shots. i'm sitting in the corner of the kitchen making up little songs about everyone who passes me when my buddy's boyfriend comes up and sta...

here i am, sitting at the comp., watching Let's Make a Deal. why, i do not know. yesterday still seems fuzzy, considering all that happened. woke up today, reminding myself that all was not right in the world, as i had hoped when i finally fell asleep. nothing like double stuff oreos and a good movie to act as a brain eraser. watched a bit of the news today, nothing new to report, thank god. now it's all endless analysis of shit we can't analyze yet and reporters like katie couric (who i can't stand) asking the dumbest questions in the world. even in this time of massive tragedy, the networks show no compassion at all. i wonder if there's some little punk executive in an office somewhere saying, "hey, let's make this awesome graphic of that plane hitting the WTC and use it as a background for all of today's coverage!" Well, there would have to be, because it's really like that. just check out MSNBC. it's disgusting. so i understand why ther...

so i wake up this morning to my roomate screaming, "classes are canceled! turn on the news!" and i turn it on and see something out of a freaking movie. there's no way that the world trade center could have been blown up. this just isn't real. that's all i could think, that it wasn't real. and walking to the student center, i realized that today was such a beautiful day. sunny, breezy, and not a cloud in the sky. how could such a horrible thing happen on a day like today....a perfectly beautiful day? and then i was in the dining hall...the laughter sounded so alien. how could you laugh, or smile, or feel happy? thousand of people have just died and all hell has broken loose! eventually, i had to tune out. watched blair witch project....went to andre's....watched cartoons for two and a half hours while knowing that i don't know what tomorrow will bring. no classes tomorrow, we're still in a state of emergency. i think this is the first time i haven...

....and finally, she was able to post her thought on the screen before her. After 2 days of wrestling with the ethernet here at school, i was finally able to get this thing to work. As i was walking home from the bus stop this afternoon, i realized just how happy i am to finally be back at school. i saw how everyone has gotten older, and i thought that i hadn't. but after thinking about it, i realized just how much i've grown up too. i'm finally here to learn and grow and change my life rather than make each day a party. sometimes, growing up sucks. i mean, you spend all of your life wanting to be grown up, and when you finally do, everything becomes sucky and stressful. dammit. But on the other hand, growing up has become such a cool thing to do. now that i've gotten over being independent of my parents (sort of), i've seen how i've been growing and changing (just like a little butterfly....awwwww....). but enough of this oversentimental bullshite. a while ag...